passion * »

2010-07-16T01:40:00.003+08:00

Power isn't happiness

I recently watched Ghosts of Girlfriends’ Past. The movie (which is a loose adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol) is about a hedonistic, womanizing bachelor who despises the idea of love and marriage. The night before his younger brother’s wedding, he is visited by ghosts representing his past, present, and future girlfriends. By the next morning, he opens his broken heart to love again.

Personally, I don’t recommend the movie—except for maybe the last 10 minutes. In particular, the best man’s speech was positive: “Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less. And he was right. But power isn’t happiness . . . happiness comes from caring more about people—rather than less.” The “power” referred to above is the power of selfprotection. You know—those games we play to try not to care too much for someone. And, yes, it may keep a broken heart from getting hurt again, but there is no joy or life in it. It only ends up incarcerating the soul in a prison of fear, emptiness, and selfishness.

The Old Testament prophet Isaiah described the dangers of self-protection. Figuratively speaking, he said that when we try to protect ourselves in the darkness with our own self-generated light, we will end up in torment (Isaiah 50:10-11). Protecting ourselves by deadening our hearts may seem to make sense, but it only makes things worse. It reminds me of the proverb that says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death” (Proverbs 14:12).

Nothing is greater than the power of love. Only the willingness to care and be cared for is what brings us true joy and life and the freedom to be who God made us to be for others. First comes love, then comes joy. —Jeff Olson

------------

Don't be afraid of opening my heart up to love others, for fear of being rejected, under-appreciated or not being reciprocated. Because Jesus loved me with all His heart unconditionally, I can now do the same to others (:

As overheard in the car

2010-03-17T22:39:00.001+08:00

(Mum's phone batt goes flat & she borrows Dad's phone to make a call. )

(Mum dials number.)
Mum: *pause* (turns to Dad) Why is there a voice? Is someone trying to call in?
Dad: (takes phone back) Hello? HELLOOOO??
(hands phone back to Mum)
Your call got through and you didn't even know it.
Me in backseat: LOL MUM.

2010-03-03T19:42:00.002+08:00

I've been spending the past few days going around school with my bro's DSLR, snapping photos for a few recent photo/video assignments.

I still take my usual routes, but it's interesting what I can find when I'm actively looking out for different angles.

This is what campus life should be like - fun, spontaneous, breaking out of the usual flow of things - not just about walking from one class to the other, or holing up in the library in a valley of books.

I even have people stopping behind me to see what it was that caught my attention.

How cute is that.

2010-02-26T17:34:00.003+08:00

Colossians 3:13 - "bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."

In Matthew 6:12, Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” Jesus immediately explained why we must forgive those who have wronged us (vv.14-15). And He later illustrated it with a parable (Matthew 18:23-35).

How much did the ﬁrst servant owe the master? Ten thousand talents (v.24 NIV). One talent was the equivalent of 20 years’ wages for an average worker. It would have taken 200,000 years for the servant to earn 10,000 talents. Although the servant promised to pay back everything (v.26), this was an impossible debt to repay. So “his master was ﬁlled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt” (v.27). How much did the fellow servant owe the ﬁrst servant? One hundred denarii (v.28 NIV). Equivalent to 20 weeks of common labor. This debt could be repaid within 5 months. The fellow servant begged for some time to pay back this debt, but the ﬁrst servant refused and had him put in prison instead (vv.29-30).

You are a free person. Jesus has set you free. But when you refuse to forgive, you become a prisoner again. A prisoner of your own unforgiveness. A prisoner of your own bitterness. A prisoner of sin again (vv.32-34). The worst kind of prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart.

In his book The Lord and His Prayer, N. T. Wright wrote: “Failure to forgive wasn’t a matter of failing to live up to a new bit of moral teaching. It was cutting off the branch you were sitting on. The only reason for being kingdom-people, for being Jesus’ people, was that the forgiveness of sins was happening; so if you didn’t live forgiveness, you were denying the very basis of your own new existence.”

If we are truly forgiven, we will be forgiving. —K.T. Sim, Our Daily Journey

(taken from here)

2010-02-19T21:06:00.004+08:00

Another email devotional I received, taken from here:

“Perfect path”

My wife and I had prayed. We had sought God. We had sought godly counsel. Now we presented our plans to a group of people who would help us realize a vision for ministry or shut it down. They chose the latter.

We’ve all felt the pain of having plans dashed and dreams deferred. The confusion and disillusionment that follows can be overwhelming. Where’s God in all of this? What are His plans for us?

God has a perfect path that He continues to blaze in this world. His plans can’t be shut down. “It will all happen as I have planned. It will be as I have decided,” God spoke through Isaiah (14:24). In the New Testament, Peter stated, “God knew what would happen, and His prearranged plan was carried out when Jesus was betrayed” (Acts 2:23).

These verses reveal that God’s perfect path—a path that once led Jesus to the cross—lies before us. And though He allows His creatures to choose or reject Him (Deuteronomy 30:15-16; John 14:15-17), God will arrange things so that His “prearranged plan” will come to fruition.

These truths can be a great encouragement to us when we feel that the path we’re on has taken a wrong turn. Peter pulls from Psalm 16 as He proclaims, “I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me” (Acts 2:25). My God is still with me even when the path is confusing. “My body rests in hope” (v.26). My hope is in God and not my circumstances. “You have shown me the way” (v.28). God will reveal His perfect path to me.

Several years after our ministry plans were shelved, the very thing we had hoped and prayed for became a reality! But it happened in God’s perfect timing and at just the right place along His perfect path.

—Tom Felten, Our Daily Journey

Assure me Lord, that things are gonna turn out better than I imagined or what I can see now. Cos when I pictured what today would be like a month ago, I didn't think it'd be like this.

*Year of Aggressive healing. Aggressive peace & rest. Aggressive love.*

2010-02-15T13:46:00.004+08:00

CNY + Vday = all things red and *hot* pink! ahahaha :D

Recently this thought has been floating around in my mind (not sure if I can articulate it completely and comprehensively, but I'll give it a shot): our relationships are built upon the assumption that we'll still see each other again.

When we make appointments for the future, or even a simple "see ya!" when we bid farewell, we are taking it for granted that we will still be able to meet the person again. Who knows whether he/she will still be alive tomorrow, or the next minute for that matter? Life being full of uncertainties, I just find it interesting how easy we can undermine the importance of each other's existence.

While visiting my dad's 3rd auntie yesterday, she wistfully commented that CNY is becoming quieter and quieter every year, cos people start leaving one by one...... her own husband being one of those who didn't make it to this CNY. I started to picture the 'spirits' of my paternal grandparents who had passed on recently, together with the other distant relatives whose faces I can't remember, crowding around the living room as she said that.

And I started thinking, I'd better cherish this very moment I have with these people around me, cos who knows whether I'll get to see them again next time, God forbid. It was so bittersweet.

I know from a Christian's POV, God has promised us long good fulfilling days, and we won't pass on before He writes the full stop on the story of our lives. But, resounding with Pastor Lian's first point yesterday about enjoying the gift of the present, I want to learn to cherish every single moment and person in my life in the present.

To have my family, relatives, friends and loved ones still around with me -now- is something I can't take for granted. To know that my mum is one wall away altering my blouse to make it smaller (praise God for the braces diet! lol), my dad at his desk outside my door, and my brother across the family hall playing his FB games......... it's a piece of heaven on earth (:

And friends aren't easy to come by. "有缘份才能当朋友"..... or rather, if God didn't plan it, they wouldn't be in my life now. I can't afford to waste another day not showing them enough love, since God is entrusting me with their hearts by blessing me with them.

I don't wanna stop loving. And being humanly fallible, I can only do that if the source of that love is from God's overflow in my life. My hands are so small... but I can love much when I know I'm loved much. By the One who created Love, and IS Love itself. The One who is madly in love with me. And will never suddenly walk out of my life one day and tell me He doesn't love me anymore.

So everything goes one big round and comes back to love (and Jesus=Love) again, at the end of the day (:

2010-02-08T19:33:00.003+08:00

I chanced upon this comment on a post on the 'Le Love' blog and just felt like posting this here... once again, maybe someone needs to hear this (:

"Honey,

It's not that there will never be spiders in your bath or asshole bus drivers or bad bulbs...the reality of life is not that your love will make those things disappear, it's that you will have someone to capture the spider and take it outside, to kiss you in the rain and make you laugh at how silly you looked chasing that bus, and light a candle for you when you call him to come and save you from the dark.

Life is not a Disney movie. Trust me, I've been where you are, and it might take a year or 5 or 10, but you will find your love and it will make everything worth it. It will be better than a Disney movie, I promise you that.

So don't lose hope, don't give up. All the waiting, all the pain and loneliness you feel, all those bad days and bad guys and cold nights will become insignificant. They'll still be there, they never go away...but your love will overpower them. He may not be a prince by any means, but he'll be yours and he will save you.

<3"

2010-02-05T23:47:00.003+08:00

Inspired by the module we're taking this semester called 'Itadakimasu - Food of Japan' (.... and ever since we borrowed our tutor's book of children's bento boxes during tutorial on Wed), Amy and I decided to start making our own bento lunches for school :D

We headed down to Daiso yesterday after school to buy bento boxes (and adorable lunch box belts to boot!), and were so intrigued by the variety of super-cute bento accessories on display as well.... from little animal food-picks and sauce cases to rice moulds and bento box bags.....

Since we're new to the whole bento idea, we decided to start off simple and just put together whatever we could find in our kitchens this morning before coming to school.

Presenting..... the 1st ever Bento Day with my favourite girls :D

Weiwei, mine and Amy's bento boxes (:

Yummylicious!!

Riceballs, octopus-sausages, crabmeat, prawn omelette, taiwan sausages & cheese fish fingers

Making a good attractive-looking bento certainly takes a lot of creativity and time and patience! There's a wealth of bento websites online, and just a simple google image search for 'bento' will bring up a whole array of adorable charaben (character bento: cartoon faces and all) that look incredibly painstaking to make and too pretty to eat =P

This NY Times article on bento-making "approaching cult status in the United States" got me quite intrigued on the way this traditional Japanese practice has crossed over a huuuuuuge ocean and made fans in a country of potato-gobbling meal-upsizing people =P (it has nice bento pictures too, which is making me REALLY hungry right now =X)

In fact, all the brightly coloured pictures of bentos are making me super hungry right now, so I should stop torturing myself and here's cheers to many more lovely bento-making days to come! :D

2010-02-03T02:31:00.000+08:00

+Jesus' precious says (2:28 AM):

* anyway if you need to cry i'm always here to lend u a shoulder ;D

* i dont care if u just sit there & do nth but cry & never say anyth LOL

awwwww Yeow. You make me wanna cry again =P love ya!

2010-02-02T01:14:00.004+08:00

(best listened to with earphones... and preferably with eyes closed to savour the moment =P)

In the stillness of the night... a few piano notes delicately glide over the soft wind floating in through my window...

... and as the wind blows through my hair, something within my spirit stirs. I hear strains of violins rising up in the background, and I close my eyes, as I allow the music to swirl around me and envelop me in its embrace.

And my heart is suddenly arrested by You.

I hear Your voice through the vocals of the singer, and yet above the words that are being sung...

"Come away with Me, My love, into the stillness of the night......."

Only You have the power to capture my heart. And it beats with the rhythm of Your love.

For always and forever (:

I love moments like this.

2010-01-29T00:31:00.002+08:00

Read this in a devotional sent to my email account today:

“Loved enough”

The truest friend does not doubt but hope.” While many movies based on books leave much to be desired, Douglas McGrath’s 1996 production of Emma vividly portrays Jane Austen’s endearing characters, Emma and her beloved Mr. Knightly. The strength of the relationship, though, comes from Austen’s pen as she reveals the longing of every heart—not only to be loved, but to be loved in truth. A man of conviction, Mr. Knightly affirms to Emma that his chastisement of her unacceptable behavior doesn’t come from a rejection of her but from his belief that greater things reside within her.

Spiritual growth doesn’t happen without a confrontation with the truth. In John 14:6, Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through Me.” Far more than factual information, God’s truth is inseparable from His love. Truth required the cross; love made it possible.

Jesus loves us enough to speak straight to us. He does this so that our feet will be set firmly on the solid rock of His Word. In return, we must be willing to love others in truth.

Truth is not easy to hear, and hard words hurt. Love, however, persists past niceties. “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6). Longing to see things set right, love willingly walks the difficult path of speaking the truth found in God’s Word. We do a great injustice to the body of Christ when we pretend that sin doesn’t exist (Ephesians 4:25).

The strength of God becomes active in our lives when we live out the twofold calling to truth. We must be willing to speak it (Proverbs 27:17) as well as receive it (Psalm 141:5). God’s love deals in truth. Anything less isn’t really love.

—Regina Franklin, Our Daily Journey

http://www.tangle.com/bible/NASB/1Cor/13/6/comments/e29ad6eb8d5cfbac90c9ee07d7a16f17

Sounds so familiar (: And also what Benjin has been telling me since last semester.

And like what Pastor Prince said, "In order to truly help someone, you must be independent of their opinions of you."

And what my mum used to say, "I don't care if you hate me, but if I don't correct you now.... I'm not your mother."

Isn't this what unconditional love is? To have seen and know the person's faults and ugliness, yet still loving the person enough to point it out - even at the risk of ruining the relationship - for the person's benefit.

LOVE. Is not just a dreamy feel-good thing.
It's an aggressive, resilient force that stands against all odds.

2010-01-16T16:05:00.003+08:00

I was searching for iPhone cases online when I came across this article:

iPhone 3G Case Fit Enough For A Princess!

Wow seriously?! As much as I love pink, I can't even decide if I like or hate this hahaha.......

2010-01-06T22:36:00.001+08:00

belated 21st present from my aunt.

what can i say.

so blessed :D

2009-12-31T21:59:00.003+08:00

I wish I had time to create a video of 2009 like I did for last year, but my photos aren't with me cos I'm not on my laptop now, so words will have to suffice.

With the little kids running around in the background, dashing in and out of the shower, and cousins lounging around on the bunk beds waiting to play Hearts, it suddenly comes to mind that I don't even realise how much has happened in this 1 year.

The person who sat at her computer typing this 1 year ago isn't here anymore.

(Ok that sounded slightly morbid, but you get what I mean hahahaha.)

In fact at this time last year, I was still moving boxes from my previous Bishan apartment to my current one. Wow.

This year was marked as the year of Free Favours - I'm so glad it doesn't mean that free favours are only limited to this year, but that this is the year we discover how much free favours we can enjoy... OUR LIVES ARE MARKED WITH FREE FAVOURS.

I feel so happy just saying and seeing that :D

And even happier to see it manifest over and over again throughout the year, from grades to friendships/relationships, in the family, ministry, church, friends, little little things that happen everyday... and the list goes on.

This year has also brought about a season of change + growth, in the CG and Ministry: where meeting new people in the cg has opened my eyes to seeing things in a new light, new revelations of God and learning new ways of handling situations; and in ministry where being given a bigger platform to serve has caused me to undergo even more pruning and testing. It hasn't always been easy, but yet there has always been peace because Jesus is the one who planned those in the first place.

And other things I had to undergo/undertake this year... I remember asking my Mum, "Are these necessary? As long as the people around me still love me, it doesn't really matter right?" But I still went ahead with those anyway, 1 of them being getting BRACES... and it warms my heart to know that no matter what I do/look like, I still have people who love me through it all.

Yes, that's the thought that crossed my mind last week as I reached my doorstep. That I'm so blessed to have people who still love me through everything (:

I don't really know how to end this entry, because technically there's no full-stop to my life.

But I'm so excited about the new year of REST and even more Free Favours that's going to happen in about 58 minutes' time. Woohoo!!!~

BLESSED NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!~

P.S. My cousin just said, "You should get married NOW."
Last random quote of the year. HAHAHAHAHA.

2009-12-01T12:08:00.003+08:00

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He lifts up (to make it grow better) and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Abide in Me, and I in you.

As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me (make your home in Me), and I in him, bears much fruit...

... for without Me you can do nothing.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."

~ John 15:1-8

Which branch can survive without the Vine to provide it with its source of water, food and nutrients? How can I possibly think I can be self-sufficient and look after my own needs or chase after my own ambitions without first putting Jesus in the centre of my life?

And yet, God does not chop me off from Him whenever I screw up real bad... cos even if I "(do) not bear fruit, He lifts (me) up" to get more sunlight and grow better. And when I bear fruit, He prunes me to bear even MORE fruit haha.

But at the same time, undergoing pruning isn't a painless easy process either. It involves cutting, trimming, bending, twisting -- correcting, putting me through tougher situations, humbling myself -- so that I can turn out sturdier and wiser than I was before the pruning (bearing more fruit).

But as long as I find my safety and refuge in Jesus, the altogether lovely One who loves me enough to DIE for me, my hopes and dreams will be fulfilled by Him - because He was the one who placed those desires in my heart in the first place.

And I can be 101% sure that I will definitely be blessed and prospered by Him, because I am His ambassador leh! "By this my Father is glorified"... He blesses me to use me as His living testimony to others, how can He afford not to pour all His riches onto me right? =P

We children of God are in such a blessed position, because we're always in a win-win situation. No matter what we do or cannot do, He still blesses us.

We can't even earn our blessings and favour, so what we can or cannot do, CANNOT take it away from us. All we need to do is to believe in His love for us and keep ASKING Him for it.

Could I ask for a better deal?

Living the Divine (The Vine) life :D

2009-11-27T13:45:00.005+08:00

5 more days left to my last paper... and I've been playing too much!

Going to the museum...

Having cooking competition + karaoke party with my BFF...

Hanging out with the cousins...

Jamming and recording songs with the awesome cg people...

And the family and relatives are off in Malacca now... so finally some peace and quiet to get down to serious studying =P

Love today's daily devotional: Thank Your Way To Peace

Philippians 4:6
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God"

It's not about merely praying about my situation or problem, cos that just makes me focus more on the problem itself actually. It's ending my prayer with thanksgiving, cos He always provides more than enough for me, He who "feed the birds of the air and clothe the lilies of the field", is my constant source of blessings.

So the more I know His heart towards me, which is that to always GIVE and GIVE, the more I can thank Him for being so unfairly and unconditionally good towards me =D

This is the Semester of Undeserved Unmerited Grace!!!

2009-11-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

Friday the 13th + Last day of school : I FINALLY GOT MY BRACES!

Yes, I didn't get pink.... cos my dentist recommended the transparent ones which are of a slightly different model. But according to him it's better cos each individual bracket can be unlocked and the wire adjusted more easily.

I'm still not used to many many little things sticking into my lips... takes some time to open and close my mouth cos the corner brackets protrude out more than usual.

And. Because of the awkwardness in adjusting to the braces, I can't smile or laugh properly!!!

My mum's first reaction when she saw me was, "Oh no! What's going to happen to your smile now??"

How does one smile naturally in braces?

I want my smile back!!! Jesus multiply it back manymanymany times more and better than before :D

Actually, there's much to give thanks for.

I can't believe I had been complaining about only having braces now when I'm already over 20, or fussing about looking weird in them, when to be able to receive this treatment is already a tremendous blessing.

I didn't realise how much of a blessing it is to have my parents willing to invest so much money in this, until friends around me started telling me I'm so lucky my parents are paying for my treatment, and another friend mentioned that she would want to get braces but may have to wait until she earns her own income if her parents aren't going sponsor her.

I'm so blessed, and I don't even know it =X

So instead of complaining about the discomfort now, I'm still going to give thanks to You Jesus, because You've showered me with every good thing and will make the next 1.5 years a smooth and enjoyable journey with my new teeth companions (:

2009-10-28T21:32:00.002+08:00

Jordan and Dad have been teasing me about tomorrow, "So you're gonna lose your wisdom? =P"

Bwahaha. Very funny.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling the inevitable mixed nervousness+excitement about tomorrow. My life is going to be changed!!

I'm gonna have a wisdom teeth operation and get my braces fitted in tomorrow.

Okay, there. I've said it. I never thought this day would come, but somehow it did. And Daddy God I'm believing You for an awesomely smooth and painless procedure + speedy recovery + accelerated jaw correction all the way!

After all, You're a God of the SUPERNATURAL, and I can't expect anything less than a supernatural miracle from You (:

Now I can move on to the more optimistic part of the matter... what colour should I get for my braces? :D

Okay I can't run away from loving pink...

... but baby blue/teal looks so adorable too!

Good thing I get to change them every once in a while, so at least there's something to look forward to and be "experimental" with the colours. And I'll try to take more pictures in future with the new teeth companions so I won't feel so awkward or goofy in them. Hehe.

Okay Jesus I'm trusting You to look after me!! May everything be for Your glory and testimony!!

2009-10-25T19:06:00.002+08:00

A quote I came across in a book when researching for my Sociology term paper:

"After I became a parent of a teenager, I realized how many ways my mother had shown love through waiting up for me at night, driving me around, sliding a five dollar bill into my wallet. I hope she understood that I was a bit too self-centred to be grateful in those years."

Don't know why I just felt like posting it. Maybe someone needed to hear it =P

2009-10-24T20:15:00.003+08:00

This thought just came to me again.

I want to cherish every moment I spend in NUS now, no matter how mundane, boring, tiring or annoying it may be at times.

Maybe it's a "Year 3 crisis" like John says. Hahaha.

Because what matters more to me is not how well I did for my assignments or exams during the time I had here (of course those are important), but the precious times I enjoyed with blessed company here.

Because at the end of my life here on earth, I won't be thinking about my grades or certificates, but of the relationships I had with others throughout my life.

When I think about various places in school, I immediately visually recall the things that happened at those places. Places where our lives were changed, things that I'll still be talking about with them many many years from now =P

Like how when the bus drove past ACJC on Thursday evening, John, Leo and I could still vividly recall the random hilarious things that happened, like me "flinging my towel off only when I was at the edge of the pool" hahahaha...

And I thank God that what I have is Godly fellowship, Kingdom friendships, full of His life and supernatural joy. Because the company we hang out with is so important in shaping our thinking and mindsets, outlook on God and life, actions and behaviour, and what kind of adults we grow into.

So blessed, so loved to have all these friends brought into my life. I couldn't have done anything to gain or deserve any of this. But I also know that this is something I can continue trusting God for.

If you're reading this, I thank God everyday for you (:

2009-10-16T01:50:00.004+08:00

Your LOVE has seen me through all my days :D

Thank You Jesus for keeping me alive til today... the fact that You've saved me from so many near-death situations in the past assures me that You have a great purpose for me, and I'm excited about the road ahead with You (:

So at this 21st-year turning point, I give thanks for the past 20 years, and dedicate the rest of my 120 years on this earth to You :D

2009-09-28T15:38:00.005+08:00

My dear,

It's been one year since we first knew each other. From the beginning, finding out that you're mine has elicited a plethora of reactions from family and friends - some were truly happy for me and gave their approval, some gave me shocked looks - but eventually everyone agreed that we were a perfect match.

It wasn't love at first sight. I was more interested in the one next to you initially, but my brother convinced me to give you a chance, and I've never regretted it since then.

You are my window to so many worlds I didn't know existed before.

You've accompanied me on so many periods of hectic deadlines and late nights.

The sight of you cheers me up even when I'm moody and tired, because you have such a glow radiating from you.

Happy 1st Anniversary, V.

You know I love you.

xoxo,

Jofid

(i don't really have any photos of me and my V, so this one taken during CNY will have to do =P)

2009-09-26T23:21:00.002+08:00

I laughed when I first read this...... but why do I suddenly feel like I can relate to this?

Trying to reign in the younger brother who thinks he can get away with irresponsibility and faking stuff to get out of things he doesn't want to do.

We can be so chummy and free with each other, but there are times when things are damn annoying! While I usually appear to be calm and incapable of raising my voice, I think only he can bring out the explosive side of me. You don't wanna see me when I'm angry.

I can never love enough with my human love. There's nothing for me to draw from, not to mention loving at times when he is so downright unlovable. Jesus, how do you do it? How can Your love be so unconditional and so scandalously abundant and free at the same time?

Let go and let God. I can't afford to wait til I'm at the end of myself to turn to You for help. I have to involve You right from the start, draw from Your unending supply of love and don't care even if I get hated by anyone in the process, and know that You will give me your wisdom to do and say the right things at the right time.

2009-09-21T22:36:00.003+08:00

So I'm made to feel bad about helping someone my family doesn't like?

Was it wrong to help that person?
Should I not have done that? Am I too gullible?

...........

But Jesus said to love your enemies right?

Eeeeee I feel so lousy and used now.

But a child of God has no business to feel condemned!

"Jofid, I will still prosper your mistakes."

---

I feel like I'm entering a new season/phase in my life. Cos my mind's being opened to so many new things lately. New people, new perspectives, new revelations of God.

And then, I'm hit in the face with this unusual bout of condemnation.

Maybe it's another sign of this new season, that Jesus, I need Your wisdom more and more everyday.

2009-09-12T16:14:00.003+08:00

Jas's birthday surprise: 15 Aug 2009

Jas screams in pain as her beloved Pooh gets cut into half as Huixian sadistically grins away

And then.
It all started from Jasmine's ice cream cake.

Presenting, the Dry Ice Experiment......

2009-09-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

09.09.09

Just thought I'd commemorate that =P

2009-08-28T02:10:00.005+08:00

Haha I'm sitting in front of my computer, smiling myself silly at the little things I'm beginning to recall from my childhood days.

Because my primary 2 classmate added me on Facebook today.

And talking to him on Facebook now suddenly makes me realise that I miss my childhood. And my childhood friends (:

I don't know why I still remember this incident, but somehow I can vividly recall the day when our form teacher read to us our 1st ghost story in class after our exams, and I was subconsciously leaning backwards more and more as the story approached the climax... when suddenly he pounced on my shoulders with a "boo!" and I nearly screamed out loud.

Lol. 13 years have passed in a blink of an eye. And thinking back, I don't think I've ever dreaded a single day of primary school. Some memories make me want to crack up all over again. It's a good thing I'm in the privacy of my own room, so there's no one to laugh at how ludicrous I look swinging between smiling dreamily and grinning ridiculously in front of my screen =D

Jesus, you really know how to put a smile on my face with sweet surprises like this (:

2009-08-28T00:39:00.003+08:00

It's past 4am on a Thursday night (Friday morning actually) and I'm still furiously working away at my lappie to perfect my brother's class presentation slides...

... when all of a sudden my brother nudges me on MSN and sends me this pic:

Awwwwwww (:

2009-08-16T03:18:00.003+08:00

precious times =D

Sitting in the backseat with Myron at the wheel, in the wee hours of the morning, zooming down the highway at 140km/h with the windows rolled down, Hillsong United blasting at its full glory, hair flying in all directions...

... I closed my eyes and wondered how long this moment would last.

Ah, you friends make me love life.

2009-08-13T00:57:00.007+08:00

"I am the one HE loves! ♥"

Wow God, I'm totally bowled over by You! Great things always seem to happen at 3 a.m. =P
The 2-hour long phone conversation has made me so refreshed I can't sleep now. Thanks ah, God =P

I'm once again reminded to bring You into every situation, into my school timetable... with You in the picture, everything turns out awesome. And thanks Jesus for protecting my heart as well from things You don't want for me.

"God is moving (: Even while the world is sleeping! working the night shift...." ~ Bang Lin

2009-08-08T02:29:00.000+08:00

The Bling Blingz presents... Collection #3: CARTOON VOGUE!

(click on picture to enter blogshop)

This time round, we went overseas to personally handpick pretty vintage cartoon accessories (: These classic items are exclusively limited to ONE piece per design only, so check out our blogshop and place your orders quick before they run out! =D

2009-08-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

Our labour of love ♥ wedding designers wannabe (:

Ah it's been such a journey! Our fruits of labour finally culminated on 25 July, the day before we flew off to Bangkok. And looking back, we could really see God's fingerprints covering everything... from the smallest detail to the grand picture.

It was, after all, our first attempt at something of this nature, and of such a scale and importance (wedding leh! cannot play play one...), and there were times when we would just stare at each other not knowing what to do. Or how to do it. And of course learning how to deal with our 'client' too.

But it was amazing how God dropped inspiration throughout the entire process. Even the number of bouquets we estimated... they turned out to be EXACTLY enough. no more no less. And the 2 full days we spent putting up the decorations in the church hall were incredibly smooth-sailing too, no delays, no damages, and errands we needed to run fell neatly into place.

the early stages: starting from scratch

bird cage ~

the pew flowers somehow ended up looking like something else LOLLL =P

rough prototype of the stage flower stands
(that somehow reminds me of a ferrero rocher bouquet =P)

church hall front entrance

close-up of the entrance centrepiece

stairways leading up to the entrance

stage flower stand

final day of putting up the wedding decor

(oh how we treated ourselves to a good dinner after that!)

wedding day! (@ Faith Assembly of God)

(fellow new-creation-er! what a pleasant surprise =D)

Queen Amidala wannabe =P

Tarzan & Jane pose =P

Huixian calls this the 'banyan tree ad' lol

having fun with the excessive amounts of cloth leftover from the wedding =P

We were so happy that the wedding decor was well-received by the wedding couple & guests =D We could feel the entire place literally transform itself from what it's like on normal days.

One that left an impression on me, was the church secretary who works at the church building (who was one of the few who witnessed the entire process of the setup). She was so cute laa... she noticed us scavenging around for food after we took down all the decor at the end of the entire ceremony (the couple didn't even bother to keep any food for us knowing we had to stay behind to take down the decor -_-" and the buffet area was WIPED OUT.) and so nicely brought us some packed food that was kept at a side. And she complimented us on the good job done and said "next time when i celebrate my 80th 'da shou' I'll invite you girls to do decor for me okay!" hahaha...

And later on we found out from the groom's mum that to have a compliment like that coming from her meant a lot, cos she's been working in the church for many years and have seen many many weddings... so for her to be impressed by the decor....... LOL. Praise God!

God is really so good! He was the one who gave us this opportunity, and He was also the one who gave us the desire and passion to be wedding decor designers... and no matter how clueless we were at the start, the little frustrations with our 'client' and the little appreciation we received from them during the process... He still anointed our hands and made our creations find favour in the eyes of everyone (:

And when I least expected it, He also surprised me with a gift that exceeded my imagination. I could hear Him saying to me, at the moment I took the packet in my hands, "You never saw this coming, did you? =P I am Your rewarder... you may think your efforts went away unseen and forgotten, but I see everything and I will never let you be shortchanged.

Lean on me, Beloved (:"

2009-08-03T13:27:00.001+08:00

The reason why I can't even sleep on my own bed ever since coming back from Bangkok......

LOL.
Yes, I shocked even myself.
I couldn't even fit everything into my own luggage... had to use another 2 expandable bags and borrow part of Nick's luggage to tompang some stuff =X

I think there are at least 20 dresses/tunics, 5 tops, 2 blazers, 2 vests, 2 leggings, 2 bags, 5 pairs of shoes, a belt, accessories...
7 tops for my mum,
2 berms + shirt + sweater for my bro... I hope I didn't miss anything out lol.

Ok I'm officially on a 1-year shopping ban =P
(til I embark on my Grand Plan to stock up in Bangkok every year haha...)

2009-07-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'll be off to Bangkok tomorrow afternoon! Wheeeeeeee~

Will post all about my crazy week when I'm back next Saturday! (esp. wedding decor+The Zone!)

2009-07-20T03:58:00.003+08:00

Awww I just feel so INCREDIBLY LOVED today.

The precious fellowship with really precious people. Even at 3am in the morning.

Thank You God for putting me at the right place at the right time with the right people.
Nothing's coincidental. Everything's God-incidental.

And most of all,
thank You for giving me EVERYTHING I need in my life.

SO LOVED
SO LOVED
SO LOVED <3

2009-07-16T13:00:00.023+08:00

History Maker Day 2

Pre-service game: team mates had to feed each other ice cream from behind after making it

Super funny!

Games Time: Case #47223! "Solving the case of Shaoye's kidnapped daughter"

An afternoon of crime scene investigation, wet dirty & sticky games, treasure hunting & zombie dancing later...

chillaxing at the hotel's bakery eating cake & drinking ice-blended coffee while the rest of the teams continued running around frantically

Well, who ask Coach Maddy to be our CGL ;)

The end point... at the Fields of Grace!

where we did the Jai-ho dance in FULL VIEW of the Bhangra construction workers just opposite us! haha!!

crazy people at the back gatecrashing our photo hahaha...

I loved the CG Devo that morning... Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

Even though I've read this verse many times, what Coach showed us that morning opened my eyes again. When she read from her Message bible version, the word 'eternity' actually means 'divinely implanted sense of purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God can satisfy'.

That blew my mind. DIVINELY IMPLANTED SENSE OF PURPOSE. and only GOD CAN SATISFY it. Perfectly in line with the camp's message theme of God's calling and purpose for us.

And at the previous day's service when Pastor Ben touched on Psalm 139, at the verse "My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.", he said that God fashioned us in secret so that the devil doesn't know our full potential until... BOOM! We enter this earth and give the devil the biggest scare of his life.

I think I'm going ahead of myself by saying this now, but it made me see again how I was so lovingly created and so divinely purposed.... that I am an irreplaceable part of His kingdom because He had a special destiny created JUST FOR ME.

I realised then, that everyone has a totally unique and different life journey from others, because each and every one of us has a distinct purpose in God's plan. Our life journey births our message to others, and God has already prepared me for something that no one else but me can fulfill for Him.

And then, I heard my heart smile,

"I am so small, but yet I mean the world to You (:"

2009-07-10T20:13:00.000+08:00

History Maker 2009 (15-19 June)

Day 1: Singapore to Malacca (Photo Log)

ready to set off from Clementi carpark

roomies! Faith and I

girls in shades (cheryl & gracia)

Cheemin & Jasmine

trying out Cheemin's shades

carebear + peng peng
our cuddly friends for the trip!

Coach's 3 special friends =P

Hotel Equatorial Melaka!

In Malacca at last! =D

our very first pre-service game
we had no idea how crazy it would turn out, until we saw...

... boys gone wild!

the camp dance: Jai-Ho!

the first varsity cluster breakout session
the first of many meaningful sharing sessions by Coach Jo
about the significance of the camp verse (Ecclesiastes 3:15) and the times around us

view from my hotel room balcony
quick washup before the first camp service of the night! :

shin, yeow and i

super funny pre-service game: the eye masks are hilarious!
(more to come later lol)

Camp started off with a powerful message about the destiny God has created for every single one of us way before we were born, a thread that would run throughout the entire camp.

It was so timely that Pastor Prince's sermon the day before camp was about how all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28). God turns the lemons in our life into lemonade, our mess into our message to others, and the testings into our testimony. This was the foundation for Pastor Benjamin's camp messages, as my eyes were opened more to my destiny and the journey I'm taking now.

My destiny was created even before I was born (2 Tim 1:8-12 "... who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began...").

"For You have formed my inward parts (seed of my desires);
You have covered (weaved) me in my mother's womb,
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works..." (Psalm 139:13-16)

The 'inward parts' actually means 'seed of my desires'. The things I loved to do from young without knowing why, the things I'm naturally inclined towards... these are not by accident but God has actually designed my innate desires and planted them in me for the journey He has planned ahead for me. I am His masterpiece! Carefully and skillfully and WONDERFULLY made! (cross-reference to Ephesians 2:10 - "For we are His workmanship (inspiration), created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.")

And it really opened my eyes to see that my DESTINY is not a destination, it's a JOURNEY. I'm not just waiting for that one day when I'll suddenly be 'dropped' into my calling.

I'm living out my destiny & calling every single day.

Every day is filled with something new God wants me to learn, and I can never leave or walk out of His calling for me. And because God is the one who placed this calling in me, He is the one who gives me the gifts/abilities, willingness and time to carry it out.

It really gave me peace to see that everything I do is a journey. The journey is as important as the calling, because the journey IS the destiny planned for me. I can be at rest every step of the way, because I can see that God has placed everything in the right time, and I don't have to be impatient to wait for some things to develop...

... aah I have so much to say about this, but I'll slowly flesh it out over time (:

I Heart You Online

2009-07-09T16:58:00.002+08:00

I heart this cute song I found from Jianzhong's multiply site!

Every morning I wake up, with lingering dreams of you
And my heart is beguiled
I struggle to think just what else I can do
Than log into my favourite online social networking website!

I want to be in your profile picture
I want to be a permanent fixture
On your wall
You're so beautiful

I want to be in your profile status
Feature in the place where you update us
Maybe then I'll have you in mine
I heart you online

I can see from your information
You like japanese animation
And stir-fry
Well so do I

I've read the books that you love reading
I must say you're quite appealing
Maybe you could poke me some time!
I heart you online

ba ba da, ba ba da....

Click on my face and tell me that you love me!

You sent a message with three kisses
Could be wrong, but I think this is
Your way
To convey

That my love's not unrequited
But I won't get too excited
Since you're only virtually mine
I heart you online
I heart you online
I heart you online

Ukulele + Harmonisation = Yeow & Eph let's do this!! =D

2009-07-03T00:29:00.011+08:00

watching diving from the media stands

Haha I'm blogging about AYG and I'm not even done with my entry for HM Camp yet ><

Anyways.

I've been interning as a youth reporter/tech liaison for the Asian Youth Games (AYG) this week, and despite the mad rush for deadlines, I've been having fun and I feel really blessed in the places I've been put in.

I started out initially a reporter for Athletics (Javelin), but I got pulled into Diving as a tech liaison a week before the games, so I didn't get to meet my team until the day itself on Tuesday.

It was just a small team consisting of some writers from Republic Poly, their teacher liaison and a freelance photographer. But it was awesome how we could work so well together despite only knowing each other for such a short time, and to see everyone loosen up around each other, to the point where the photographer would sneak me into the TV room to transfer photos into my laptop while he continues to shoot the divers, or having major suanning sessions between the RP reporter, the photographer and I in the media room while we pick, resize, upload photos and vet articles for the official website.

"When we saw your name, we thought you were a guy. Even the email you sent us sounded so direct and 'guy-ish'. Then when you walked in... whoa."

Hahaha. And they thought I was 17 or 18! ("Omg you're from NUS?!") Hahaha...

Some awesome shots from my photographer (4 out of the few hundred I had to sort through for the website):

Photo credit: Nyan Fu Keong

Diving finals ended on Wednesday, and yesterday was my first day reporting for Athletics. The management/organisation of the team there was different from the Diving side, but I was blessed to have my other team members to show me around and cover for me when I have to interview more than 1 athlete at a time (cos they all come out at the same time) =P

And as we sat around the table for dinner after the day's events were over, we found out that all of us, except 1, were geppers, and all of us were from AC in one way or another. I found that really funny, especially when they started bringing up names that I recognised. *sings* It's a small small world!

I thought that was pretty cool =P

Ok I'm off to report for Javelin Girls Finals now! ;)

2009-06-22T11:30:00.006+08:00

Back from History Maker 2009!

Even though I've attended church camps since 2002, this camp was a totally new experience for me again. I feel like God has compressed so much in just 4 days, so many gifts and revelations imparted that I feel such an overflow from camp! I don't think I've taken down so much notes from camp before =P

Some of my most important camp expectations were met, and I'm so glad for the precious time I had with my caregroup... I don't think we were very close before camp, but through the huddle sessions we had sharing about our lives and trying to dig out deep dark secrets from each other (haha!), I believe we've all learnt a lot from each other and have experienced supernatural bonding too. Praise God!

I'll try to breakdown whatever I've taken back from camp and share in bite-sized pieces over the next few posts. Daddy God is so awesome... He already had a purpose for every single one of us when He designed us, and everyday we're walking out the journey He's already designed for us in the beginning of time (:

YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE ;)

2009-06-14T23:33:00.002+08:00

History Makers Camp 2009 @ Malacca starts in less than 6 hours!

See you guys back on Friday! =D

2009-06-09T23:45:00.005+08:00

I just got home from playing for the Dare camp worship tonight! It was at Sarimbun camp, the place where we had our adventure camp more than a year ago. That place brings back bad memories man haha >< Of dust-infested bunks, flooded toilets, crawling through mud and wading in the “milo pool” and trekking for 7 hours throughout the night… gross but memorable precisely cos of that =P

I was serving with Alwin, James and Zheng Kai, and it was my first time serving as a lone keyboardist without a band for a church camp setting. I was excited but nervous at the same time, cos I was afraid that Pastor Benjamin would suddenly pull a laogo song out of his bag that I haven’t heard of before, and I wouldn’t know how to support him… but in the end it turned out weirder than that, it still feels strange to me but I’ll have to wait for Jen’s feedback sometime in the near future to find out more about what exactly it was about… =X

Play @ Sentosa: Launch of 'The Zone' (23 May)

The official launch of our 3 youth ministries (Secondary, Tertiary & Young working adults) combined under 'The Zone'! It was a day of beach fiesta complete with carnival games, huge inflatable structures, reverse bungee-jumping, inter-caregroup soccer and captain's ball matches.

I slathered on tons of sunblock cos I didn't wanna end up like a cooked lobster like I did after the NUS orientation camp, but praise God that He kept the sun behind the clouds the whole time and the weather was exceptionally breezy in the midst of the super-hot period we're experiencing now. God really takes care of His beloved children!

All 3 ministries gathered as one!

Shin, Yeow, me and Lixian

Lixian and I went over with Myron and Joel midway through the event for a short while to chill out at Myron's One-degree 15 club at Sentosa Cove. The pool deck is a superb chill-out spot, with comfy deck chairs and gorgeous skies to enjoy while reading or stoning. Even the changing rooms were humungous omg.

cute shot of Lixian with strawberries my caregroup bought along

Chilling out for dinner

gorgeous sunset just before praise & worship

my caregroup after securing a spot for praise & worship

stage setup for praise & worship

view from the stage (credits to alwin's cam)

ex-JC caregroup shot

It was such an awesome time! Just letting our hair down and having fun in the house of God =D It's great that we can be real with each other, and real with God throughout the praise & worship session... we aren't jumping around cos we're high from alcohol or drugs, or lifting up our hands in worship to put on a show to look 'spiritual', but because we have a real and present God working in our lives, giving us His dunamis life and energy. Great things are gonna happen in the ministry man... I'm so excited!!

2009-06-03T16:31:00.010+08:00

Amy flew off to Thailand yesterday on exchange for 4 months. Really excited for her, although it'll be a bit lonelier without her for a while... but I'll be joining her in Bangkok for a week in July after the wedding we've been decorating for! Can't wait! =D

pouting shot

(spotted when leaving the terminal) apparently some car reversed back into the grass LOL

After many days of hard work, multiple shopping trips, trial & errors, failed attempts, and learning how to deal with our 'client', the wedding stuff we've been working on over the past few weeks is almost complete. Everything will be finalised when Amy returns in July for the wedding.

starting from scratch

Presenting, our virgin attempt at being wedding decorators (:

Woo! The collage makes me feel as if we have our own wedding decor shop already =P

Reception table and foyer centrepieces, pew and railing mini bouquets, flower girl baskets, stage flower stands and noticeboard birdies... wait til the cloth goes up too! The place will have a cool makeover (:

It's so cool to see how God has blessed the work of our hands, when the bridegroom's mum said "It's amazing that both of you can do all these without having learnt flower arrangement before." =D

2009-06-01T23:09:00.003+08:00

The day Yeow went flying in a room

I had so much fun with Yeow and Charles today! We were recalling that it's been at least 2 or 3 years since we last got together like this to just crap around and have fun. And not surprisingly, something historical happens everytime.

Yeow went flying.

Off a hammock in Charles' room! The same hammock that got my butt stuck to it cos my shorts button was caught in the net. But yes, Yeow flew off the hammock while she was swinging on it. It happened too quickly for us to fully appreciate the moment - we only saw flailing arms and legs - until Yeow pointed to the net that got caught on another hook on the wall while it was swinging but she still continued moving through the air =P

And we laughed and laughed and laughed. Until we had no more strength to carry on laughing, while the movie 'Hancock' was still playing on the computer screen in front of us. Omg. The sight of Yeow flying through the air makes me crack up again. So does the thought of how Yeow and I cowered at a corner of Charles' bed hiding behind the hammock and a cushion while watching the zombie flick 'REC'. Wahaha.

Even though we didn't do many many things, but the whole day just felt awesomely fun. Like Yeow said, it was already funny from the moment we met up. When we saw Charles walking towards us, we tried to hide behind the sheltered walkway pillars, which were obviously too narrow to conceal anything anyway. We haven't lost the 默契 (loose translation: tacit understanding) we have with each other over the years. Awesome (:

I miss you JC West A caregroup! You're one of the best bunch of people I've ever hung out with ;)

2009-05-29T02:28:00.020+08:00

The frequency of entries doesn't do justice to the amount of things that have been happening lately!

(insert) I'm really happy with my results for this semester! I think it's pretty much the best sem results I've had so far... and I actually got As for the modules I was least confident of. It HAS to be God! =D (end of insert)

I was re-reading 'Captivating' (by John & Stasi Eldredge) again, and as I got to the part about friendships between women, this line jumped out at me: "When God gives a friend, He is entrusting us with the care of another's heart."

Not just someone to provide company and have fun with, someone to talk to when you're alone, or someone to satisfy your needs... but someone whose heart you're entrusted with.

"It is a chance to mother and to sister, to be a Life giver, to help someone else become the woman she was created to be, to walk alongside her and call her deep heart forth."

Awesome. I love this.

Shin's 21st (18 Apr): The Tent with Spongebob Music

And finally, pics from Shin's birthday surprise. During the last part of Arrow, Yeow and I sneaked out to set up the tent in the main foyer. We got curious stares from passer-bys, and some even jokingly asked if we were camping for front-row seats for 1st service the next day.

setting up the birthday tent

complete with notes, pictures, glow-in-the-dark stars, a Patrick soft toy and Spongebob music played through mini speakers...

...and a big red bow on top!

"SURPRISE!!"

Shin almost burned the tent down!

happy Shin with her Patrick

view from inside the tent

Myron doing one of his signature goofy dances

caught unaware after getting rocked back and forth in the tent

silly prank:
"in Christ the solid Rock i stand"

this is damn funny!
anti-climax shot of myron acting macho

packing up the tent in style~

Dinner @ Astons

Omg we couldn't stop cracking up over the stupidest things and making a fool out of ourselves during the entire dinner!
Here's a short excerpt showing why we suffered from indigestion the whole night...

Shin imitating the emergency exit sign

The Mafia boss and his bevy of hot bodyguards
(Myron: "show me Fierce with a capital 'F'!!!")

The tent will come in useful when we have praise & worship on the beach next time ;)

2009-05-23T00:22:00.002+08:00

The VocaPeople!
(Yeow some inspiration for your resonance stuff =P)

Firekites - Autumn Story - chalk animation

2009-05-20T23:59:00.001+08:00

A bit creepy at some parts, but I still think the chalk animation concept is cool =P

Firekites - AUTUMN STORY - chalk animation from Lucinda Schreiber on Vimeo.

2009-05-17T16:29:00.008+08:00

This week has been filled with even more favour... my parents blessed me with a new Korg X50 music synthesizer! =D

Sleek, thin, light and ultra-compact, featuring hundreds of sound programmes and combinations (that can be customised), it only weighs around the same as an electric guitar which makes it easily portable.

It's the model the church uses for weddings and studio practices. The only thing is it doesn't have internal speakers, so now I have an AMP in my room. Woohoo!!~ *cues heavy bass beats*

I got the synthesizer at a discounted price through the music min, and even had favour with the guy at the music store, as he discounted the price of the amp for me from $200+ to $180. When I told Derrick about it, he was like, "eh not fair, last week I bought the same 2 amps from him but he never give me discount lehh...." And I'm also getting a keyboard bag, that would originally cost me about $50-100 for the normal kind, for free! (but I'm not allowed to name who =P)

And apparently this new model is more technologically-advanced, less bulky and more affordable than the previous Korg models we have in the church studios, that cost about $3K+. The pros of living in a world where technology becomes twice as good at 1/3 the price every 12 months ;)

the cool side-handle and the Amp (:

Thank You Jesus for my new mini room studio! =D

2009-05-15T13:25:00.014+08:00

Wow favour! I just saw an email sent by my tutor about my Marketing group report grade... and we got an A! =D

"Generally, as compared to the other groups, your group's analysis was very detailed, supported with quality research, relevant examples, and good recommendations. Well done!"

I can't believe we got an A despite the fact that I didn't like some members in the group initially. I remember complaining to some friends during one of our CG devotional sessions in school, but I also remember ending off concurring with Darrell's point saying "but it doesn't matter what kind of group mates I get, cos God can and will still bless me exactly where I am".

*jumps around the room for joy*

----------------

Continuation of Jade's 21st dinner @ Ma Maison (11 May)

some cathartic-looking corner we found in Central

warm cosy restaurant interior, i think they had about 10 tables only
(this pic doesn't do justice to the actual atmosphere)

pretty cutlery

the table 'key' to 'check out' after eating

john, leo, suanne

minghui, jade, me

trying escargots for the first time!

(and john happily posing with his LACK of snail shell after insistent declines to try one)

jade and i with our seafood gratins

minghui's mentaiko pasta

suanne's cheesy hamburger steak

leo trying to act like a chef (with the blurred waiter in the bg looking like some smoke effect lol)

john's seafood gratin as well
i think it was so filling we had a hard time trying to clear our plates

the very sweet restaurant owner who brought out jade's cake personally, and even sprinkled her own cinnamon (or at least it was brown) icing on the cake even though we bought it from outside

STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.
i love!!! <3>

Jade and the Korean learner book we got her =D

2009-05-12T22:32:00.018+08:00

The start of the long summer holidays is here! I can't believe almost a year has passed since I last worked at Pat's Schoolhouse... the memories are still fresh in my mind. Sigh why does time pass so fast?!

But as much as I don't want the days to go by so quickly, there's always something to look forward to in the future (: Many exciting things have happened lately and are happening soon hehe.

And I'm one step closer to fulfilling my latest design ambition to be a wedding decor designer/planner. I've been roped in as Amy's co-designer for her boyfriend's brother's wedding, so lately I've been surrounded by flowers and ribbons and lace and pearls and crystal beads... all the pretty pretty stuff (:

The flowergirl hairband we made from scratch

Having a bit of fun during our decor shopping trips

Enjoying some ice cream after a whole day of lugging bags of flowers around Singapore

Experimentations

The sweet white birdcage that I'm looking forward to decorating

And on to the 21st birthday celebrations.......

Esther's 21st (31 Mar)

Persimmon @ The Link Hotel

A cute caricature drawing of the birthday girl

*I wonder who gave those roses to her*... hahahahaha ;)

Me, Elaine and Esther the beautiful birthday girl

I can't remember what we were laughing about lol

Raspberry cheesecake

Esther with her parents

Keyboardists and singers

Esther with the Music Min

Despite the unfortunate event that happened the day before the birthday party, that night was just filled with love and warmth, and I'm glad that Esther could spend that day surrounded by people that loved and cared about her.

The food was pretty awesome... fusion food (: And the environment was really cosy too, not forgetting the awesome company to complement the awesome food haha. Esther's meticulous planning and using her own money to fund the entire celebration certainly didn't go to waste =D Many blessings ahead for you dear babe!!

Other recent happenings, but still awaiting sufficient photos hahaha......

Shin's 21st (18 Apr)

The birthday tent!

Jade's 21st

Jade with her incredibly cute and delicious Strawberry Cheesecake

Stay tuned!!! (Haha omg I can't believe I'm making this sound like a commercial LOL)

2009-05-01T13:21:00.009+08:00

I walked into my bathroom last night to find myself staring at a CENTIPEDE.
And I live 13 storeys above the ground.

How on earth did it manage to get all the way up here?

My dad attacked the centipede with a pair of scissors and cut it up into 5 pieces, and each of the 5 parts still continued moving and wriggling around after being chopped up!! Gosh!!

--- ---

On a less icky note, my family visited the Singapore Flyer yesterday evening (:

My aunt bought tickets for all my relatives last year through corporate booking with the intention of all the families going together, but my grandpa passed away before we got a chance to. I still remember my aunts bending over his coffin at his wake, silently weeping and whispering that they were still waiting for him to join us for the Flyer. Even though my aunts are from my mum's side and my grandpa's from my dad's side, we were all close enough for them to include my grandpa in our family activities.

But since the tickets were going to expire soon, we couldn't carry out the original plan to go together since our schedules clashed, so my family was the last of all of the families to go for the Flyer yesterday. I would say that we went at a good time, cos we could catch both evening and nightfall views in one round...

(my mum's new haircut! =P)

view from the top!

And we went to catch '17 Again' after dinner... I can't believe my parents agreed to watch it with us =P (no it's not bcos we're Zac Efron fans =P) I'm so glad we could spend family time together after many days of busyness, early mornings and late nights. At least this movie has elements that can appeal to both teens and adults. My mum, for one, happily shed her 'just-a-pretty-boy' image of Zac =P

And it makes me realise once again, that I don't have to wish I could turn back the clock and redo some things I wish I had done better, cos every season that I've gone through is where God wanted me to be at those times, and those mistakes and choices are what brought me and makes me where and who I am today.

2009-04-26T23:56:00.001+08:00

My first paper starts tomorrow! ><

"The horse is prepared for the day of battle,
But deliverance is of the Lord"!!!
(Proverbs 21:31)

*dives and hides under blanket*

2009-04-20T22:52:00.031+08:00

Some photo therapy to tide through exam revision week (:

My beloved PPG (powerpuff girls)! =D

Me, Amy and Jianwei (: XOXO

And my dear CG family

CID D&D Night @ Copthorne

Beloved family

My 'godma' Aunt Esther

The table behind us was getting rowdier by the minutes as some policemen kept toasting each other with alcohol again and again and getting out of control... later in the night, my brother returned from the men's washroom with a green face, saying that it was a nightmare to behold.

As we drove out of Copthorne to head home, I saw people stumbling out of Zouk, puking at the side of the road... and I recalled the policemen just floors above these people, red-faced and drunk, and I couldn't see the difference between the two.

Sisterhood movie date (12 Mar)

trying out Minghui's new icecream phone camera on the way to Vivo to meet Suanne to catch "He's just not that into you" =P

Minghui wolfing down her giant hotdog

Suanne trying to act liberated =P

Minghui's favourite combination... Hello Kitty MAC collection launch =D

Annual Music Min Party (28 Mar)

Random photos from our annual music min gathering to celebrate one of the longest ministries in church that's even older than i am =P

the lovely singing ladies at my table
(Belinda, me, Grace, Wanting)

(clockwise from bottom: Wanting, Junming, me, Gavin, choir lady)

Elaine, me, Esther, Nikki, Joan

more gorgeous babes! talented keyboardists and the women with beautiful voices (:
(Elaine, me, Alicea, Esther, Nikki, Joan, Adeline)

even more gorgeous babes LOL

attempt to make funny faces LOL

I love how Pastor Prince shared in a video at the end, that our ministry is one that's eternal... bcos when we go to heaven we'll be spending the whole of eternity worshipping God! Praise God I'm investing my time into something that'll last for eternity (:

Remembering the last of Year 2...

Advertising presentation day

After countless hours in our favourite (aka. 'haunted') classroom, our Secret Recipe advertising campaign is ready to be showcased!

Pre-presentation chilling-out:

Pose #1: attempted 'pageant' shot haha
(Szehwei, Clarice, Jacintha, Jingting, me, Zhenxin)

Pose #2: "let's just be natural!"

Post-presentation craziness:

"Shhhh... what's our secret?" (campaign slogan for Secret Recipe)
With our lecturer Bernard & tutors Daniela & Qinfeng

Hanging around the CNM playroom eating our Secret Recipe cakes in front of the "no eating & drinking" sign =P

Part 1 of The battle of Nikon (mine) vs. Canon (Jingting's).... to be continued, when I get the rest of the pics from Jingting =P

Multishot-16-continuous!
(click to enlarge to see the weird shot progression: as Jingting runs out of the pic while we all try to call her back)

-----------

Dream Team!!! [Life's Good ;)]
Top: Eugene
Bottom: Sebastian, Melody, me, Michelle, our tutor Pei (who exclaimed "I look just like one of you guys!" when she saw the photo =P)

Meiyi and I
(historical moment! we've known each other since Semester 1 but this is the first photo we've taken together!)

Last day of school!

Amy introducing me to her Thai dessert entirely made up of sugared eggyolk

In a blink of an eye, Year 2 is almost over... indeed, time waits for no man. But the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter unto the perfect day [Proverbs 4:18] (:

---------------

Wherever you are, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you...

2009-04-13T12:27:00.002+08:00

The joy of chancing upon whimsical food :)

In the midst of projects, essay deadlines and exam revision, Amy and I managed to take time out and had a lovely dinner together at an old little Chinese cafe, Qun Zhong Eating House (21 Neil Road, Singapore 088814).

Being big fans of the ever-delicious XLB (xiao long bao, aka. small cage bao LOL) and Zha Jiang Mian (wheat noodles with minced pork and soybean paste), we were not disappointed by Qun Zhong's offerings. The XLBs were moderately juicy and deliciously soupy with skillfully thin skin, while the Zha Jiang Mian was satisfyingly chewy and soft at the same time.

However, the highlight of the evening's dinner was the ROSE FLAVOURED GLUTINOUS BALLS!

When it first arrived at our table, it looked unassuming with its clear-coloured syrup, small fragments of dried rose petals and 5 little tang yuans (I even thought the small bits of dried rose petals were seaweed at first haha =P)
But all it took was one sip of the fragrant rose flavoured syrup to put dreamy smiles on our faces...

... it was like drinking in a perfume shop x)

Whimsical food in a super cheena cafe? *scratch head* How unexpected... but to us, it was like a little taste of heaven :)

2009-04-09T13:47:00.003+08:00

OMGGGGGGGG.... Yeow you're gonna love this...
*falls off chair laughing*

Curious chimp smells butt and faints

2009-04-02T12:08:00.004+08:00

something cool to share with everyone...

2009-03-28T12:36:00.003+08:00

I Receive.mp3 - Hillsong London

When you love somebody, you are willing to do anything for that person.

Accepted, I live favoured of the Lord
Forgiven, by Your love I am transformed
It's not what I do, but what You've done for me
And by Your grace, oh God, I stand with my head held high

In 1 of my marketing survey questionnaires yesterday, I took a long time trying to complete the sentence "Being in love is ________."
What does it mean to be in love? What does loving someone mean?

To put yourself out there, so vulnerable and self-sacrificial. To give away a precious part of yourself to someone else without being certain of how the person will treat that raw part of your soul.

You LOVED me regardless of whether I returned the favour, whether I would appreciate what You've done to win me over, or whether I would reject You and break Your heart.

I receive Your love
I receive Your love for me

You have captured my heart. You are the most beautiful person I'll ever know, the one who whispers love songs in my ear, who will put heaven on standstill just to find me when I'm lost, who pulls me into Your bosom when I'm hurting, and bore all the beatings and pain that was supposed to be on me. You stood by me faithfully even when I was more interested in other boys than You, seeing me through blushes and disappointments, restoring me with Your complete love and wholeness every single time.

You are my first love, and You will always be my greatest love, and You love me exactly for who I am, every single part of me, no matter how ugly. Nothing I do will surprise You, or make You love me any less, because You know me better than I know myself and I will always be precious in Your sight.

When I know how much You love me Lord, how much You've done for me, the extents You've gone to just to pursue me, I can face the world with my head held high.

2009-03-26T14:19:00.004+08:00

My brother got me a new mousepad! A Barracuda LITE... and hot pink somemore to match my ever-increasing collection of pink digital stuff (all my brother's doings lol). Woohoo!!

BEFORE

Ever since we shifted house, I've been using this old Magic schoolbus mousepad I randomly found, but the surface is kinda rough and the mousepad isn't evenly flat, which makes it hard sometimes to move the cursor around.

AFTER

Presenting my new Barracuda Lite mousepad, which is extra thin and light, and boasts a smooth 0.12 SGD (Surface Grain Density) for easy movement and more efficient cursor travelling, and won't wear out the base of my mouse so quickly. And it blends in seamlessly with my pink Vaio and speakers (:

Yay thanks Jo! ;)

2009-03-24T13:32:00.012+08:00

100 Truths.
(As tagged by Vicki)

001. Real Name: Jofid
002. Nickname(s): Jo, Jojo, Mojojojo, Ah fid, Fiddy
003. Age: 20
004. Horoscope: doesn't matter
005. Male or Female: Female
006. Elementary: Junyuan Primary, St. Hilda's Primary
007. Middle School: Raffles Girls' School (Secondary)
008. High School: Anglo-Chinese Junior College
009. College School: National University of Singapore
010. Hair colour: a bit of black, brown, and a few strands of golden-red buried underneath
011. Long or Short: Long, but not as long as -some- people... *looks at Yeow*
012. Loud or Quiet: Depends on the company I'm with
013. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans... Singaporeans don't really walk around in sweats. But sweats are definitely wayyy more comfortable.
014. Phone or Camera: Phone. I'm a social being with the need to stay connected to people. And there's a camera in the phone anyway.
015. Health Freak: Not really... I eat what I want and trust God with my health.
016. Drink or Smoke: Drinks water. Smokes through assignments.
017. Do you have a crush on someone: That's the way the world works
018. Eat or Drink: Man shall not live by bread alone. haha how to choose... besides, they both go hand-in-hand.
019. Piercings: 1 on each ear
020. Tattoos: Never
021. Social or Anti-Social: social. unless I'm in a very bad mood.
022. Righty or lefty: Righty
023. First piercing: 16. Just in time for prom!
024. First relationship: So many boys, which one to choose?? hahahahahaha......
025. First Best Friend: My favourite play buddy Zi Xiang since we were babies
026. First Award: 1st in class in Primary 1!
027. First Kiss: My parents? =P
028. First Pet: A tank full of silver fishes with different-coloured fins, which I tried to name one by one, but I forgot their names as quickly as I came up with them =P
029. First Big Vacation: Does Genting count? If not then it'd be USA.
030. First Love at first sight: Lol. Hmmm. Uh. Hee.
031. First Big Birthday: One-month old celebration? My parents always threw parties for me when I was small.
032. First Surgery: To remove my umbilical cord when I was born! Hahaha...
033. First sport you joined: Swimming

This or That
034. Orange or Apple juice: Apple. *scrunches nose up at the thought of sour orange juice*
035. Rock or Rap: Rock
036. Country or Screamo: Country
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: I can't decide. I love the way boy bands harmonise.
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: I can't decide who's the lesser evil
039. Night or Day: Both have different functions
040. Sun or Moon: Moon. Sunlight is great for phototaking, but I don't like getting sunburnt.
041. TV or Internet: Internet. We're the new generation man!
042. Playstation or xbox: Neither.
043. Kiss or hug: Hug. Kisses are reserved only for very intimate relationships. Unless it's a wet sloppy kiss from a cute kid =D
044. Iguana or turtle: Turtle
045. Spider or bee: Spider. Cos at least I can run away from it =P
046. Fall or spring: Fall... I like cool weather and the gorgeous colours of autumn. (Tim you said you wanted to bring me to USA to experience autumn there!)
047. Limewire or iTunes: iTunes. strictly for listening to music, if I may specify. My brother does the song-torrenting for me =P
048. Soccer or baseball: Soccer. Batting is hard.

Currently
049. Eating: Nothing. It's past supper time.
050. Drinking: Water. Is the best.
051. Excitement level: Moderate. I'm taking a break from my projects to do this =P
052. I’m about to: right now, to hit the keyboard. after this entry, to get back to my marketing project report.
053. Listening to: The Hillsong London 'Hail to the King' album!
054. Plan for today: Do as much as I can for my projects tonight and sleep earlier than I have been for the past few days
055. Waiting for: yesterday. haha kidding... not really waiting for anything.
056. Energy Level: Low. Time to wind down at the end of the day.
057. Thinking of someone: Not til this question reminded me!
058. Want kids?: Definitely. The kingdom of God belongs to the little children (:
059. Want to get married?: Of course. God please don't Rapture us so soon... I wanna get married and have kids first =D
060. When?: Before 30
061. How many kids do you want: Haven't really thought about this yet... maybe 2 or 3
062. Any name on the mind: Haven't planned so far ahead yet =P
063. What did you want to be when you were little: It kept changing, but the longest-standing one was to be a teacher.
064. Careers in mind: Something that combines designing and music together
065. Mellow future or wild: Mellow or wild? The future that God has planned for me!
066. Something you would never try: Bungee jumping. After taking the Giant Drop in Dreamworld.
067. When do you want to die: God will rapture me before I physically die.

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes. You communicate with your eyes, not your lips =P
069. Romantic or Funny?: A balance of both (:
070. Shorter or Taller?: Taller.
071. Protective or Caring?: Once again, a good balance of both.
072. Romantic or Spontaneous?: AND once again, a good balance of both.
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: Uh. Healthy is the best.
074. Sensitive or Loud?: Sensitive.
075. Hook-up or Relationship?: Relationship. Duh.
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: Hmmm... to act with wisdom most of the time.
077. Muscular or normal: In-between, being strong is good =P

078. Kissed a stranger: Maybe when I was a kid. (which reminds me, last year during my birthday surprise at church when I was led blindfolded through Suntec, Gracia said 2 angmoh guys were like "eh go and give her a kiss!" O_O *shudders*)
079. Broken a bone: Nope, thank God
080. Lost glasses or contacts: My contacts have gotten lost in my eye before =P when it was really really dry and slid to the far corner of my eye hidden under the eyelid. sounds gross right.
081. Ran away from home: Many times in my head when I was younger. But not anymore.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defence: Never had to be in that position before. And by faith never will have to.
083. Killed somebody: Insects, yes. Humans... what do you think!
084. Broken someone’s heart: Hahahahahaha......... let's not go into the details.........
085. Had your heart broken: Hmmmm..... not really. God please don't ever let my heart be broken!
086. Been arrested: by the Holy Spirit. to call my attention to certain stuff yeah.
087. Cried when someone died: Of course.
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: Hahaha hmmmmm........

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: I don't trust in my flesh. But I believe the calling and gifts God has placed in me.
090. Miracles: How can I not believe when I've experienced them.
091. Love at first sight: Lol. Hmmm. Uh. Hee.
092. Heaven: Definitely
093. Santa Claus: Santa is a distraction from the real meaning of Christmas! Hahahaha...
094. Tooth Fairy: Oh please.
095. Kiss in the first date: Of course not.
096. Angels: Every child of God has personal angels! Not the small Cupid-like ones with dainty wings, but strong and powerful to protect and save me. "For God will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." (Psalm 91:11)

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: To be with Jesus every living moment of my life! But other than that, I can't say xP
098. Are you seriously happy with where you’re in life now?: Every season of my life I'm in is the best place God wants me to be at that point in my life.
099. Do you believe in God?: YES OF COURSE.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

Tagged:
Anyone who reads this!

2009-03-19T15:46:00.034+08:00

Eugene turns 23! (3 Mar 2009)

(sebastian, michelle, me, jingxiong, eugene the birthday boy, margaret & yongchun)

A night of many decoy plans, intentional delays and diversions, lots of random photo-taking, too much laughter, yummylicious bakerzin cheesecake and a happy birthday boy.

Sebastian drove us down to Orchard after classes, where we found ourselves at The Pasta Shop at Wheelocks. We were initially seated in the main eating area, when Jingxiong spotted a 'private' table partitioned off at the corner and specially requested the waiter to shift us there.

It was quite the cosy little corner all to ourselves (albeit squeezier haha), but I guess a special occasion calls for a more special setting. There was even a paging button on the table for us to call the waiter over lol.

my funny 3219 groupmates! (missing mel)

mich gigglybear and i
(together with mel, we form the deadly giggling combi. dunno why we keep going high during project meetings!)

the cj boys

meesua man
(i think he was trying to look like he had incredibly long white locks)

spoon photography
reflections are the new lomos.

The pastas were not bad, although the portioning was a bit small. Which probably explains why the guys wiped out their plates in a blink of an eye while Mich and I were still daintily twirling our noodles around our forks =P

At around this time, Margaret, the last girl who couldn't make it earlier, started calling Mich about the surprise cake she would be bringing over later, while Eugene kept suggesting we head off for desserts. We tried to divert him from having desserts, since there was going to be a surprise cake, and brought him round and round Borders trying to stall for time while waiting for Margaret to arrive.

We kept doing stupid stuff to him, like trying to bring him to see a book and feign surprise when "oh no it's out of stock", or handing him birthday cards from the shelf and saying "see already must put back hor". Eugene must have been wondering what on earth we were up to, but he was super blur half the time.

We finally brought him to Borders Bistro when Margaret was almost reaching, and tried to take a lot of photos to distract him from seeing the cake.

sebastian trying to call for the waitress
(you can see her in the bg, but when eugene took a pic of him bcos he looked funny, she was unsure if he was calling her or just posing haha)

taking random pics to pass the time

So while Margaret was getting the cake ready, we just tried to divert Eugene's attention by pretending to be enthu about taking lots of random nonsense pictures =P He was actually serious about taking photos, and later when we revealed our decoy plans to him, he must have felt so cheated hahaha...

spot the guy who's REALLY talking on the phone

While taking photos for the guys, Margaret suddenly called Sebastian about arranging when to appear, so the other 2 guys also spontaneously picked up their phones and pretended to be talking so Eugene wouldn't suspect anything =P it was SO funny!!

the ahbeng shot

the failed "look at random places" shot

the failed gangster shot
(omg mich and i look ridiculous!!)

Margaret finally showed up with the awesome cheesecake!
The birthday boy looking very surprised and pleased

card-presentation ceremony
with sebastian trying to be the backdrop!! HAHA!

And Eugene never saw his birthday present (really cool white loafers) hiding under the table either! When we revealed all our diversion and decoy plans to him while having the cake, he totally didn't see any of those coming. He's really the blurest birthday person ever =P

the incredibly delicious Bakerzin cookies & cream cheesecake!
(which incidentally happens to be on 50% off this month as their monthly promotion... go get it! =D)

Sebastian was so nice to give us all a ride home after that! I sure had a great time that night, didn't know my groupmates could be so crappy! And I'm sure Eugene will have lots to laugh about in future when he revisits the events of that night =P

2009-03-14T17:51:00.017+08:00

Did I mention again that it's the year of 21st parties? =P

Myron's 21st (10 Jan 09)

The first 21st party of the year. It was loads of fun hanging out with the JC West A peeps again, plus the novelty of being on a houseboat for the first time =P

Sentosa Cove One degree 15

Myron's houseboat

Getting rocked back & forth on the houseboat

I can't remember what we were laughing at =P

My first time playing Wii!

We look so excited omg... I wonder what we were playing. Must be those retarded rabbids =P

OMG WII MADNESS!!! *covers ears*

Yingling
AC schoolmate+NUS groupmate who makes awesome oreo cheesecakes! *drools*

Hweifen
who gave me my first taste of Hoegarden that night.
But me still don't like beer. Haha.

"It's a K-Box!" LOL.

After many failed attempts at trying to get all 3 of us into the picture

Act-cute again.
See I'm so nice I only take glam shots of you HAHA.

The weather was really cooling, perfect for running up and down the docks and singing in the breeze! And Yeow almost hijacked one of the boats for herself. While Kern hijacked Clement onto his shoulder and swung him around. Scary. We also ran into a group of Caucasians having a peaceful dinner on a docked yacht. Hope we didn't disturb them too much =P

Finally a shot of the busy birthday boy!

JC West A reunionnnn

Myron's birthday surprise
where each of us adopted a signature 'Myron pose' while he got bandaged up in a Geek shirt with none other than the drama king himself printed on it
*happy boys & happy girls to me... we are the happy boys & girls...*

in the wee hours of the morning in the vast open space

8 people squashed in a car

We got so scared when we saw 2 traffic police bikes in front of us on our way out of Sentosa and Eph still had the guts to scare us by accelerating!

Lol so much laughter I must have had a real abs workout that night! How nice it would be if I could rent a big yacht and sail out to sea for my parents' silver anniversary in 2 years' time! *makes note to Jesus* Hehe...

2009-03-13T23:45:00.005+08:00

I feel horrible. I feel so wronged. By the 2 people who claim they know me the best in the whole world.

And I can't even explain myself because a certain someone feels insecure about people trying to correct him.

How can you tell ME that you know that I'M thinking when the opposite couldn't be more true! Don't freaking give me that crap.

It's such a horrible feeling. To stand there feeling so exposed and vulnerable and utterly misjudged, but yet unable to defend myself because I will be digging a grave for myself if I do.

Why is it that the ones closest to you hurt you the most.

God, You are my witness. You are my justice.
I am Your child, and there is no way You're gonna let me walk away from this situation shamed and wrongly accused.
You are my mighty fortress.
My hiding place.
My refuge from the storm.
You are my hope that never fails.

2009-03-08T20:15:00.004+08:00

My childhood friend Zi Xiang turned 21 yesterday.

It's funny to think we're 21 now, when it seemed like just yesterday when we were throwing sand around our neighbourhood playground, screaming down the roller coaster in Har Paw Villa, dancing on the Sentosa beach, riding around the park on his brand new BMX bicycle, sticking fingers into each other's birthday cakes, churning out play-doh mcdonald's fries and burgers and wrapping them up in crisp pseudo-macs food wrappers... ...

I remember that one incident when we were so convinced that there was buried treasure in the sand next to the slide, so we dug and dug all evening... then we caught sight of something in the sand glinting in the moonlight. We were so excited that we started jumping up and down in joy, then tried to pull out that mysterious glinting object, but we couldn't seem to grab anything. Then it hit us. We had hit the bottom of the sandpit -_-" And the glinting 'thing' was none other than the tile on the base of the sandpit -_____-"

Our mums, the best friends

The 'kids'... we're all so big now!
(Yi Jing, me, Zi Xiang, my brother)

Aunty Ling Mei had put up 2 boards of photo collages outside the ballroom from Zi Xiang's growing up days, so we went out to take a look at them after the cake-cutting and photography session was over. While admiring the photos, the adults suddenly had the 'brilliant' idea of making the both of us re-enact poses from our childhood photos. It's been more than a year since we last saw each other, so it was kinda awkward at first..... but we were good sports and fulfilled our parents' wishes (while amusing ourselves at the same time lol).

It was super ridiculous and funny and everyone was in fits of laughter throughout the entire time we were taking the pictures. Get ready to have a good laugh!! :

Poor Zi Xiang also got his face dunked into his birthday cake by his friends, as instigated by our dear Aunty Aw, one of our mums' close friend. Somehow that reminded me of what we did to Charles on his 17th birthday 4 years ago............. when we put fake insects into the decoy cake and smashed his face into the real chocolate black forest cake (ouch). I would put the picture up here, but I think Charles' reputation will be gone forever if I do =P Guys seem to have a penchant for smashing things into their faces/heads, like the egg-smashing game during Arrow servers' nite last week. Boys never grow up eh....

Happy 21st my childhood buddy!

2009-03-07T00:06:00.009+08:00

The Bling Blingz launches its 2nd collection - Somewhere Over The Rainbow! One that's bursting with colours and totally glamour-licious!

Go CHECK IT OUT!!! (:

2009-03-05T16:58:00.002+08:00

Amy and I hard at work!

In the midst of projects, assignments and tests, we're still working hard to create our 2nd collection for The Bling Blingz!

The table's always a mess when we take out our lobangs to work on. Creativity needs space... and a lot of housekeeping afterwards =P

I'm excited about the 2nd upcoming collection! Stay tuned! =D

2009-02-28T23:24:00.005+08:00

Arrow Servers Nite (24 Feb 09)

My very first Arrow Servers appreciation dinner! Previously the music min was considered under the main church and not under Arrow, so was surprised when the invitation was extended out to us this time (:

Trust the emcees to make us do some stupid Japanese 'warm-up exercise' before the dinner. And the evil egg-cracking game where 90% of the male contestants ended up washing away egg contents from their meticulously-gelled-up hairdo haha...

Didn't take many pictures that night but here are some of them...

The Legends @ Fort Canning

With Hweifen - from RG mates til now!

Babes in black - keyboardists unite (joan, esther, elaine) + hweifen

With singer Heather & Elaine (still all black)

With Raphael the crazy bassist + Elaine (STILL all black! =O)

Joshua the acoustic guitarist
unsuccessfully tries to stick himself into the shot

Really enjoyed the company that night with the music people... they reshuffled us last minute and dumped some people randomly onto tables with people they don't know at all, so some of them crashed my table halfway through dinner since there were empty spaces.

Going around the table, there were Joan, Elaine, Jen, Alwin, I, Esther, Joshua, Raphael, Joseph, Raymond & Timothy at my table when they started playing the "how well do you know your table mates!" game... so we were frantically trying to remember everyone's surnames and where we live hahaha. But in the end we were laughing so hard that the emcees came over to our table and Alwin ended up talking about Jen's muscles instead =X (in reference to Jen's infamous performance during the CNY indoor stadium service)

The worship session was really touching and intimate... but it was a pity we had to end so soon cos of the sec sch kids in our midst :( heh but the wonderful thing is, worship is something all of us can do on our own. At our own time. Wherever we want. Cos it's just between us and God alone.

I love it that I have a keyboard in my room now... even though it's not a very good keyboard and doesn't have a pedal even, but I can still worship in the privacy and comfort of my room at any time of the day, even in ungodly hours in the middle of the night without fearing that I would wake my family members up. Previously when I had the piano in the hall, I couldn't play it at night cos it would disturb my grandpa, but now I have the freedom to! And most recently I'm beginning to pick up guitar again afte being inspired by David Holmes' guitar workshop. More about it next time! =D

Minghui's 21st

2009-02-23T14:59:00.035+08:00

Minghui's 21st =D

The 2nd in our sisterhood to turn 21! (I'll be the last, manz =P) Pity Livia's not in Singapore to celebrate hers and with us, but love can still travel over cyberspace =P

Minghui's surprise @ the deck
on her actual day

(with suanne's lovely handmade mini clay cupcakes!)

We initially planned an outdoor picnic party with balloons and all on Sunday, but as it turned out, Sunday was coincidentally the start of the rainy season that's still going on now, throwing cold water on our crazy plans. But thank God we could divert almost immediately to Suanne's place, where we still had a fun, albeit frantic (initially, trying to set up the place), gathering nonetheless.

Who can forget the cake which became an aesthetic disaster, the impromptu harmonica-playing, the zoo we made out of our plates, playing taboo, exchanging tales of distant AC days, the endless multi-shots we took while jumping in front of the fountain, and the biker guy that randomly came out from nowhere to help us take pics, and making Minghui a princess.

I'll just let the pictures do the talking:

present fit for a princess hidden in the princess tent

The originally beautiful cake with 21 candles, that soon turned into...

...this awful melted mess while waiting for Minghui to show up
(but it sure tasted better than it looked =D another lesson in "don't judge a book by its cover", or a cake by its coating)

*sings* here comes the... birthday girl

leo playing the birthday song on the harmonica

birthday girl with the modified candle design

it was funny setting the camera timer and running to get to the other side of the table before the shutter clicked

john giving one of his "life is like..." speeches

i think in this pic he was saying "life is like this messy cake, things may go wrong but it's what you have on the inside that matters..." (john please correct me if i'm wrong!)

guess which animals we are!

MH posing with our pyramid of paper plate masks
(before we took them down to eat on them haha)

all-time favourite taboo

after the previous failed jump shot in which everyone jumped before the shutter started clicking and i was the only one left standing on the ledge expressing great distress =P

notice how the girls in the centre still continue entertaining themselves lol

this was when the random biker guy volunteered to help us take group shots

our attempt at forming the roman numerals for 21: XXI

the "get your picture taken with the star" show:

under my umbrella..... ella..... ella...eh eh eh...

jade hugs the pink mountain that is suanne

the princess and her bodyguards (holding sticks in her initials MH)

Haha yay blessed 21st Minghui dear!!! =D

2009-02-21T23:28:00.006+08:00

Living loved.

Your presence was so sweet today. Throughout the whole day, I could feel You so tangibly, in everything I did. Just Your sweet presence and love enveloping me.

Quite a few times, I wanted to let go and cry in Your presence - during David Holmes' workshop, during Darlene Zschech's sharing, during freeflow onstage. Not the sad kind of cry, but simply out of the beautiful feeling of having Your love overflowing in my heart. But I remembered that I used a bit of mascara today for the first time, and it isn't waterproof! Haha what a lame reason, but still.

And You answered my most ridiculous and random prayer this morning! That put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

Today I discovered another level of worship - my worship comes from the revelation of Your great love for me. Not the airy-fairy kind of love, but the strong confidence of Your perfect steadfast undying love.
Love is the key ingredient in everything I do.
I have not worshipped until there's a connection between my spirit and Yours.

You are LOVE. I am a girl in love, willing to do everything for You.
You are my love song.

I wanna live everyday in the continued revelation of Your great love.
I wanna live knowing I'm LOVED.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship.

2009-02-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

2 trains of thoughts running through my mind right now...

Have you ever felt like you're in a team but yet not a part of it?

Sometimes after the event is over I just wanna walk away from it as fast as I can.

Why do some things feel so sad when it's clearly Your calling?

------------------

Words, when spoken, cannot be taken back.

But sometimes words, when not spoken, can have even more disastrous consequences than if it had been uttered.

God, teach me how to say the right things at the right time.
I don't wanna lose a friend, if we were considered friends in the first place.

2009-02-17T15:02:00.016+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! (PART 2: at my place)

(...continued from the things you discover during CNY...)

7. "You have taught children and infants to give you praise." (Psalm 8:2)

my youngest nephew Jared

so funny!

my youngest cousin Natali

8. QUAN JIA FU!
"For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:5)

everyone in a flurry to get ready, setting up the tripod

right on cue: "1, 2, 3... up!!! *backrow tiptoes*"

9. My closet terrorist cousin is not so closet anymore... don't have equipment still can use hand.

10. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

kena caught red-handed gambling =P

11. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"! (Philippians 4:13)

the cousin vs. the brother

12. The heart feels warm when you're around family.

(:

The Bling Blingz

2009-02-11T22:24:00.004+08:00

Presenting... the launch of our new blogshop
The Bling Blingz!!!

(click on image to enter site)

It's finally here! After such a long time of collecting jewellery-making parts and experimentation, this passion of Amy's and mine has made the transition from being just charms sitting in a box (actually a few boxes) to an actual blogshop (:

Looking forward to your support and patronage! XOXO!~

2009-01-28T20:23:00.022+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

Here's a few things we discover during the CNY festive season...

1. The Lord "satisfies your mouth with good things" (Psalm 103:5)

my mum's deeeelicious cooking, with our help of course! =P

2. I can "rejoice in all the good things the Lord (my) God has given to (me) and (my) household" (Deuteronomy 26:11)

3. In Jesus, my "youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (Psalm 103:5)

my youngest nephew Jerald

4. Girls will always be girls. "You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you." (Song of Solomon 4:7)

my sweet little cousins

5. When you discover your youngest cousin is a closet terrorist. "God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty." (1 Corinthians 1:27)

6. You know the world's just a global village when Justin Timberlake & Stalin visits you on CNY. "For God so loved the WORLD..."

I'm having more visitations over the next 2 weekends, so there'll be more pictures to come! x)

2009-01-24T22:54:00.006+08:00

I'm so fascinated with lyre birds and their incredible mimicry of sounds they pick up in their environment.

"Lyrebirds render with great fidelity the individual songs of other birds and the chatter of flocks of birds, and also mimic other animals, human noises, machinery of all kinds, explosions, and musical instruments. The lyrebird is capable of imitating almost any sound — from a mill whistle to a cross-cut saw, and, not uncommonly, sounds as diverse as chainsaws, car engines, fire alarms, rifle-shots, camera shutters, dogs barking and crying babies." (Wiki)

And to think they've been around on earth for millions of years. God created the greatest impersonators of all time =P

2009-01-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

The year of free favours has just begun (:

I'm already seeing it in the beginning of the semester. It didn't get off to a good start actually, cos this is the only sem where I couldn't get any pre-allocated modules and the bid points were sky-high for all the modules I wanted to bid for. I got outbidded in almost every round, and by the end of all the bidding rounds, I only had 3 out of the 5 I'm supposed to get. I was panicking cos this is the first time it's happened to me, and despite sending several appeals I still couldn't get anything.

Dennis, the CNM dept admin head had me call him up to settle this problem, and informed me that the 2 classes I was appealing for were full. He managed to slot me into another less-popular class, but I still had 1 elusive module to obtain. I happened to meet him in person the next day and asked if anyone dropped the last module I was hoping to get, but to my dismay it was still full. He called me up later in the day to say that even though nobody else dropped the module, but there was a space reserved for an exchange student and he would check if the student still wanted to keep the module.

All weekend long, I prayed for the student to drop the module. At about the same time, I happened to read on someone's multiply blog that he started applying anointing oil not only on his eyes and lips, but also on his ears because God told him to be ready to hear "good news". I started doing the same every night before I went to bed, anointing especially my eyes and ears to "see and hear good news".

You've probably guessed it, early this morning I was surprised to receive an email in my NUS account saying I've been allocated that module which I've been praying for. Dennis called me up as a confirmation and told me he managed to get me a place in it. A place in a class that had originally reached administrative capacity! The impossible had become possible!! I was so excited I could hardly contain my joy and shared it with Ephraim online immediately.

Later I found out from Yeow that it is amazing in itself that Dennis was the one who called me up, because usually it's the student who bugs the dept for vacancies and sends in his/her appeal after that. I didn't even have to do anything... indeed it's the free favour of God!

But God didn't just stop at one free favour, He surprised me with another one just a few hours later during my Marketing lecture. As some of you know, I gave my beloved piano away to my cousin about 3 weeks ago when I shifted house because it was too troublesome and probably not very good to keep moving it around, and have been piano/keyboard-less to practice for weddings and Arrow, having to go over to Shin's house to use her piano and going for band prac early just to get a feel of the chords. Thus, it was such good timing when Aaron smsed me asking if I wanted to take over the keyboard that his dad's friend gave to his dad, since nobody in their family knows how to use it. I haven't seen it yet, but even if it's just a basic keyboard, I just feel so loved that God knows my immediate needs and sends people to bless me. Hallelujah!

As Yeow puts it, it's strange to limit God's blessings to a specific year... rather, this is the year where we discover we have all these free favours that will last our whole lives.

God doesn't just stop at 1 or 2 blessings... He lavishes free favours on us profusely, over and above what we need! And the year has only just begun. This is God we're talking about.

This is my God.

2009-01-08T18:40:00.021+08:00

(I have no idea what this black box is doing here -_-")

It's already into January, but better late than never =P

There were things in 2008 that made me cry, but there are many other good things to be thankful for - many chances to learn and grow, both mentally and spiritually, expectations and desires that have been met knowingly and unknowingly, friendships made and existing relationships brought to newer levels...

The most recent happenings of which is my family trip to Shanghai+Beijing+Hangzhou and moving house to Shunfu Road.

The trip came about partly bcos we won a $1K travel voucher during last year's CID annual D&D, and partly to visit my aunt & uncle staying in Shanghai before they move to Sanyang. Initially the plan was for me and my cousins from my dad's side to go on holiday there on our own, but through a series of events, it became clear that the only way was to go on vacation as a family instead. It was like God's way of telling my parents to take a break from everything that was going on (since they were busy with house-hunting at that time), and also a long-awaited family vacation after 4 years.
And it was a pretty awesome trip. Spent good times with my aunt and uncle touring Shanghai and eating spicy Szechuan food. Got to shop and bargain like it's the end of the world. Got to eat super-delicious Xiaolongbaos. Got to see snow fall for the first time. Got to 'ice-skate' (and fall) on the Great Wall cos the snow on the ground hardened. Got to see live scorpions and seahorses skewered on roadside stalls. Got a taste of Olympic fever at the Beijing Olympic Village. Got to row around Hangzhou's famous West Lake. Got to jump around in boots. And most importantly, got to spend quality time with my family.
(Some photos are shown in the slideshow above, but if there's time I'll try to upload a more detailed photo account of the trip.)

House packing & moving began immediately after we returned from China. It was less tedious than when I shifted from Simei cos we threw out a lot of things then, but it still took a long time and there were like mountains of boxes around the whole house. But it's really by grace that we found this new place at Shunfu.
At the beginning of last year during the New Year service at indoor stadium, a new house was among the 3 things I prayed for, and it was settled even before we left for the Shanghai trip. My parents only went house-viewing once before they narrowed down to this place and another maisonette unit around the area, and when they brought my brother and I along to view for the 2nd time, we all unanimously decided on this place.
It's the biggest house I've had so far (It's definitely bigger than the Bishan unit before this, but I thought my Tampines maisonette unit and my Simei condo unit was quite big... but apparently this HUDC one is bigger at 1700 square feet. The only explanation I have is that I was much smaller then, so everything seemed bigger to me =P). Not only that, the house is also newly-renovated, with new aircons and LCD TV and stuff - it's like God had specially prepared this place just for us. And all these happened before 2008 was over! It's really God's manifested blessings (:

And 2009 is going to be even better.

It is a New Creation Church tradition to have a verse for the year every year, and this year it's The Acceptable Year of the Lord. When I first heard it, I was thinking 'acceptable' in the Singaporean context, like the 'so-so' year of the Lord o_O?! But the 'acceptable' here in Greek is dektos: it denotes "the most blessed time when salvation & the free favours of God profusely abound" (Thayer's Lexicon). Thus 2009 is The Acceptable Year of the Lord, where it is the most blessed time when salvation & the free favours of God profusely abound!

And it only took me & my bro one step into the year 2009 to be slapped with the free favours of God =P Last Sunday was the first service of the year, and my bro and I went for 2nd service on our own, and even though we queued up early enough to get into the main auditorium, we couldn't find 2 seats together everywhere we looked. I was pretty disappointed, but at the same time relieved to still get a chance to enjoy service in the audi, so both of us settled down on the floor cushions right at the back with a whole row of people. Then just before service started, an usher came up to us and asked if she could relocate us to the front. I was unsure if she meant sitting on the floor in between the front aisles, seeing how there were no seats earlier on, but I agreed anyway and we followed her...... to the second row right behind the pastors!!! (which also meant seeing Pastor Prince preach upclose and personal) This was a privilege only for a selected group of people who queued to get tickets super early! It was really an unexpected 'free favour' that God lavished upon me and my bro on the Sunday of the year (:

I say to you, that there will be good days ahead in 2009. Good days that make you LOVE LIFE so much. Because God has gone into our future and declared it good, for "the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter unto the perfect day" (Proverbs 4:18) SPEAK FORTH God's promises into your life, because there is power in our spoken words and in speaking in tongues. Here's AMEN to a restful year full of favour, delight and abounding free favours from God!!!

2008-12-04T17:14:00.007+08:00

See you guys back on the 16th (:

2008-11-29T13:02:00.004+08:00

My bro with his new Canon 450D

Goodbye consumer box cameras, hello DSLR (:

Finally, a DSLR of our own!
A while back, my bro and I were thinking of investing in one when we're older and well, have more finances of our own. I was really impressed by DSLRs after seeing the amazing photos Elisa took on our Australia trip back in July, experimenting with the pro cameras my bro brings back occasionally from his Photog society, the photos taken by my uncle on his many photography expeditions and those taken by church mates at various church gatherings and parties.

Recently we casually mentioned to our Dad about how nice it would be if we had a DSLR to bring on our Shanghai trip next week, but we thought that the chances were quite slim considering it's quite a hefty investment. To cut the long story short... they returned from the suntec computer fair yesterday with the prized Canon 450D in hand! Amen to Daddy God granting us the desires of our hearts even when finances may seem lacking in the natural =D

My bro very graciously helped me do a mini-photoshoot of my birthday bear given by my beloved caregroup. More pictures of it will be uploaded soon (I hope... *crosses fingers*... there are so many pictures I haven't put up yet =X). BUT anyway, I can't wait to start learning more about using DSLRs and going on photo-taking expeditions ;) Yay!

2008-11-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

Now there's a new reason for me to love Disney princesses.

"... post-feminist criticism and other models of interpretation have counter-proposed [that] the power of women can be seen in [Disney movies] when one probes beneath the textual surface. In the characters of Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Tinkerbell, many now see the emergence of a powerful form of femininity and a deconstruction of patriarchy.

... First, the only true powerful characters in Snow White are two women - Snow White and the evil queen. The men either are dwarves serving their newfound mistress faithfully, or else they play a perfunctory role (such as providing an anonymous kiss). Snow White is a ruler of Nature. All respond to her command, from the animals to the dwarves and the prince, who is beckoned to her side by an implicit natural instinct. Disney further explored the power of womanhood with similar motifs in Cinderella (1950) and Sleeping Beauty (1959). For example, like Snow White, Cinderella talks to the animals as part of the way in which she exercises her mystical force over Nature.

... The theme of the deconstruction of patriarchy has been further explored by the Disney Studio starting with its 1989 feature The Little Mermaid, modeled after the Shakespearean story of Ariel, a mischievous spirit. Ariel's departure to the world above her father's Sea Kingdom saliently showcases the fading power of the patriarchal system. Similarly Beauty and the Beast (1991) entails a clever reversal of roles, wherein it is the accursed prince who has to wait for his rescuer princess to come by and save him (Phoca and Wright 1999). Belle has carved out a model for a generation of women to follow in taking charge of their own identities. Two similar movies from the Disney Studio followed in the 1990s, Pocahontas (1995) and Mulan (1998), in which the heroines are portrayed as being physically and intellectually superior to any of the films' males. At the same time, the characters Pocahontas and Mulan possess the "feminine mystique" of predecessors like Snow White.

... Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty are hardly passive. They are wise and kind, but not submissive. They motivate those around them, even to the extent that others are at their beck and call. At least in my view, they are strong, feminist characters who at the same time are accepting of others. ... Despite early feminist misunderstandings of the Disney mythological subtext, it has become clear that cinema was, and continues to be, a powerful force in shaping belief systems and in changing the world, especially in deconstructing views of gender."

~ taken from my 'sociology of popular culture' textbook, Popular Culture: Introductory Perspectives by Marcel Danesi

2008-11-23T19:54:00.002+08:00

wooooo i love this excerpt i found in my 'sociology of popular culture' textbook:

"As the contemporary Czech writer Milan Kundera (b. 1929) has aptly put it (Kundera 1991: 43):

Woman is the future of man. That means that the world which was once formed in man's image will now be transformed to the image of woman. The more technical and mechanical, cold and metallic it becomes, the more it will need the kind of warmth that only the woman can give it. If we want to save the world, we must adapt to the woman, let ourselves be led by the woman, let ourselves be penetrated by the Ewigweiblich, the eternally feminine!"

2008-11-19T22:08:00.003+08:00

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello......

2008-11-07T12:33:00.003+08:00

Parents' 22nd Anniversary (14 Sep)

"Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s... You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD... for the LORD is with you!”
~ 2 Chronicles 20:15-17

Stand STILL. And see God fight for you.
Thank You Jesus for Your unfailing faithfulness and staying true to every word You say in the Bible. The storm has blown over and You have brought us out even stronger.

I was seriously scared on Monday night when my mum suddenly told me that my dad would be warded into Gleneagles ICU the next day. He had gone for a medical check-up after my grandpa's funeral, and the doctor discovered that his heartbeat was irregular, so he wanted to ward my dad to carry out treatment. While praying with my dad that night, I suddenly broke down in tears cos I was so scared that what happened to my grandpa a few weeks ago would happen to my dad too.

But God gives us the faith even when we have none, because He is the "author and perfecter of my faith" (Hebrews 12:2). How much faith I have in Him is how much I know He has done for me on the Cross. And that's why He tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:18), because praising Him turns our eyes towards Him and not to ourselves and our situations, knowing that He can never do harm against us.
He is the Prince of Peace, my 'shalom' - spiritual peace & physical & emotional well-being.

The first night I visited my dad, he looked rather weak, and he had lots of tubes on his chest and arm. The heart monitor indicated that my dad still had irregular heartbeat, and sometimes there would be a long pause between beats, causing the doctor to be concerned that he could encounter shortage of blood flow. It also seemed like role reversal, cos my dad would usually be the strong one to help the rest of us, but now he was the weak one on the bed looking up at us. But I know he still clung onto God's word of healing, and had on his lap a book by Kenneth Hagin about his heart problems and how God restored a new heart to him.

And that's how the prayer came about. Praying for God to give him a new heart.

But it felt weird without having him at home that night lol... like there's something missing. It's funny how we take the simplest things for granted and only realise it when it's not there.

After my presentation on Wednesday afternoon, my mum called to say that my dad had vomitted a few times that morning after his first treatment, and had to undergo some electric shock 'cardioversion' treatment thingy, like in shows where you see the surgeon pressing 2 iron-like objects on the patient's chest and his body jerks up... the doc wouldn't allow my mum to watch cos he said she would be frightened by the sight. My dad and mum prayed together after that for God's peace and healing, and that the discomfort is just lying symptoms from the devil. When I went down to see him after that, it turned out that he was feeling much better after that treatment and his heartbeat remained within the normal range.

While my bro and I were jumping around the room about Obama's victory, the nurse suddenly came in and said that my dad could be transferred to a normal ward. As my dad was rolled out of the ward in a wheelchair, his face lighted up and he said, "Wow... I can finally see the outside world again..." hahaha... and we were like, "You sound as if you have been cooped inside the ICU ward for a year" lol. Then when we reached the new ward, my dad suddenly stood up from the wheelchair and walked to the bed haha (like it doesn't sit right with our usual perception about people in wheelchairs haha...). My relatives came to visit that night and the atmosphere was lightened up with much joking and plans to chill out together when my dad gets discharged.

So my dad got discharged yesterday afternoon (: We took him out for a welcome-home dinner last night and I felt really very blessed to see the 4 of us around the table again. To know that we were close to having our lives altered for the worse... but at the same time pushing that thought out of our minds because when God puts something in our lives, it's always to enlarge our capacity for the greater blessings He's going to rain down on us later.

It's about perspective - that if we have see our Daddy God as the loving Daddy who holds our hand and knows what we need, then we don't have to fear the trials that are ahead of us, because we can trust Him completely... and know that His thoughts towards us are always that of love and to prosper us.

Even though life can resume its monotonous routine again, going through the grind and irritations of daily life. But it's like you can't take anything for granted, cos really, you never know how blessed you are until it gets taken away.

2008-11-03T23:12:00.002+08:00

God, I'm scared of hospitals. Ever since what happened to Grandpa, I get scared just by hearing the word 'hospital'. And now Dad's going to be admitted into one tomorrow.

God I'm so scared.

Even though I know I shouldn't be, cos Your mighty arms of shalom and health are over my family.

You who hold the universe in the palm of Your hand, who calm the storms and the raging seas, will calm the storms raging within me and in my life.

"In my life, be lifted high
In my world, be lifted high
In our love, be lifted high."

A new heart.
A new heart for him.

Thank You Lord.

-------------------------------------------------------------
braving the 12 hours of project meetings today.
-------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-28T02:38:00.001+08:00

(phone rings)
"Morning, Mum."
"Happy birthday dear. I hate to break the news to you, but I'm very sorry that Grandpa passed away this morning."

--------------------------------------------

Sometimes I forget that he isn't around with us anymore.

It's been almost a week after the cremation, but sometimes I half-expect to hear the distinctive clang of keys at 6pm as my grandpa approaches the main door, or to see plates of aromatic piping hot food when I get back from school in the evening. Or to hear his loud coughing in the kitchen at 3am on nights when I'm still up doing work.

Cooking is his labour of love, and generosity is his trademark. His last love gift to us was a big box of a dozen curry/sardine/yam puffs he bought the night before he fainted, even though there are only 5 of us in the house. His last home-cooked dishes for us on Monday night had been very generous portions, despite us running out of gas and had to call for a new cylinder in the middle of his cooking (was that a sign?). His last soup was unlike his usual thick Cantonese kind with many ingredients and had to be brewed overnight - it was clear and simple potato & carrot soup. As simple and peaceful as his passing was.

preparing the place for a wake service

I was alone at home when I first received news of Grandpa's passing, and I felt immediately led by the Holy Spirit to anoint the whole house with anointing oil. On my round, I stumbled across the photo frame that was faced down on a countertop, and when I turned it up to set it back, I found myself looking at a photo of my Grandpa with my bro and I, celebrating his birthday more than a decade ago. And all the memories started flooding back.

How he would lug back fruits for us, including heavy watermelons, despite his limping leg. How he would wake up really early to go to the market, and even though there are only 5 of us, he cooked for us as though he was cooking for an entire village. And whenever I praised him for his excellent cooking, he would shrug it off with a "haiyahhh... sek lah sek lah (eat up eat up)..." Whenever he has money, he would give it to his elder brother, split among my brother and I, and keep very little for himself only. He wouldn't trouble anyone even if he was in pain, only allowing us to help when we ask. And if I told him I like a certain kind of food, like tau sar piah or yong tau foo, he would buy it back for me on the same day. I didn't prepare any notes to read from during the eulogy given during the NCC wake service, but the first thing that came to my lips were these - my Grandpa's generosity and unassuming nature.

note to Grandpa from my cousins in australia who couldn't fly back cos of exams - I miss you guys!

A miracle happened just before the NCC wake service... Pastor Soo Teck was talking to my parents when he found out that I could play the keyboard, so he asked me if I would like to play with the guitarist & singer for the worship session, if they manage to find a keyboard... and of course I said yes, if they manage to find a keyboard.

And it so happened that Jasbeer (the sound & logistics guy whom I also work with for weddings) had an extra keyboard in his van! Despite there being no time to rehearse, and the songs being all in Chinese, it was still amazing to be able to use God's gift to do this last thing for my grandpa. And what also touched me after the service, was that some non-believers were touched by the worship and went up to my uncle to find out more. It's so wonderful that God can use a wake service to sow His seed into people's hearts.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

During a conversation with one of my aunts, I suddenly recalled an incident when Grandpa accidentally knocked over a bowl of water while cooking. Naturally we went to clean up the mess, even if he didn't have trouble bending down cos of his back. But throughout the clean-up, he kept apologising for causing the trouble, even though he doesn't have to cos he has the highest seniority in the family. My grandpa, apologising to his son and granddaughter, even though they were just carrying out their duty!

Last moments spent by his coffin: the radio he listened to everyday, and the date that couldn't have been more coincidental

As I stood by the coffin gazing at my Grandpa on the last night of the wake, I felt a sense of peace. I'm glad to have had the privilege of living with a grandparent ever since I was born and glean from their wisdom and advice. I'm thankful for the chances I had to spend time with my Grandpa and talk to him while he was still alive. To catch a glimpse of his childhood. His love for cooking. To serve him his favourite coffee everyday. To help him turn on the troublesome gas stove. And to help him clip his toenails. Lol.

Grandpa enjoying heaven with Grandma now

During the few days of the wake, I've been trying to decipher my dad's emotions. Not one to be extremely expressive, he just kept a still sorrow on his face the whole time.
But at the crematorium hall, it was the first time I had ever seen my dad so emotionally distraught. As the coroner covered the coffin lid to be transported to the furnace, he cried "Father!" and reached out for my grandpa and let go all the tears and emotions he had inside. It was a side of my dad I had never seen before, and it really broke my heart to see him like that.

Despite the emotional upheaval, there was a sense of peace as I watched my grandpa's coffin slowly moving towards the furnace. It was like sending him off at an airport - on a plane to heaven.

Thanks to everyone who came to the wake to offer your love and support, despite your hectic school and work schedule of projects and deadlines... your physical presence really meant a lot to me, and it warmed my heart to see how much you care (:

The next day was the sea burial, my grandpa's last wish of having his ashes scattered into the sea.

The whole boat journey and ceremony was filled with peace and closure, partly cos there was a 1-day buffer between the cremation and the sea burial. It was done quietly and smoothly, and the fine weather and cool breeze was like Grandpa's way of assuring us that he's having the time of his life in heaven.

Perhaps the way I want to remember my grandfather is the way he prepared his last soup for us - unassuming, simple, and sincere.

2008-10-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

It feels strange to be sitting at home tonight. I'm about to board the train ride out of teenagehood, and yet the atmosphere in the house is unusually silent.

My heart skips a beat everytime my mum phones home, anxious of what she might say about my grandpa's latest condition. Mixed feelings about my grandpa being in ICU. So mixed that I don't really know what I'm feeling right now. But knowing that all this confusion eventually finds peace in God's almighty hands. Instead of having my family close by my side tonight, they're spending the night in the hospital instead.

But it doesn't matter, because Jesus is always by my side. True celebration is not in outward manifestations, but inner rejoicing in the heart (: And I'm truly thankful for the journeys God has brought me on in my final teenage year.

To have lived, laughed and loved... to look back on this wild year and see the whispers of love between the lines, to know that I've done all these things while I was 19, to look around and see all the amazing people God has brought into my life, and to know that His fingerprints were all over it... that's enough for me to know.

At the dawn of the road ahead, as the first beams of sunlight hit my cheeks, I can only feel confident and excited about the first step I'm going to take, for "the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter unto the perfect day" (:

At the stroke of midnight, I hear my Beloved whispering to me,
"Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away."
(Song of Songs 2:10)
Come away... come away with me...

2008-10-11T13:05:00.003+08:00

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young."
~ Isaiah 40:11

My tender and loving Jesus.
Strong to fight for me
My body shield from my enemies
Yet gentle and loving in holding me in His bosom.

Oh what a beautiful place to be, Jesus, to be in Your arms and so close to Your heart <3

2008-09-28T23:42:00.004+08:00

Presenting... my brand new Sony Vaio pink lizard skin laptop!

~~(I haven't gotten down to taking a pic of and with my new V yet, so this pic will have to suffice for the meantime.)~~

The pink carry case & mouse that came as a set... and the pink speakers my bro got for me in June (:

I'm so ecstatic! After months of praying and using that as my visualisation picture, I finally got my new V today! =D It's my early birthday present from my dad, who recently experienced a lot of favour in closing some property deals.

My Apple has served me faithfully for 4 years, and even though I still love it very much, there's the inevitable wear-and-tear over the years, such as lagginess, an almost non-existent battery life, outdated system that doesn't support upgrades, not enough RAM to run programmes, incompatibility with certain school programmes... among other things. Thus the need for a replacement.

And it's so awesome how this laptop is like a God-sent to me. During freshmen matriculation fair in August, I was caught in a dilemma cos I wanted to get a laptop with Photoshop (especially for my 2208 design module this sem), which came free with laptops purchased in school, but they didn't offer any Sony models. So I was still cracking my brain as to how to borrow Photoshop from others to install if I get a Vaio... and then about 2 weeks ago, I was outside Carrefour at Suntec with my mum and bro while waiting for 3rd service, when we walked past a Sony promotion booth with Vaios on display. We just casually browsed through and talked to the salesgirl... and to my amazement, I found out that the Vaio came pre-installed with Photoshop and Adobe Premiere elements! I never knew a laptop could come with Photoshop already inside!

At that moment, I felt like it was God telling me that He will meet all my needs, even my specific request to have Photoshop with my laptop! Not only that, but the laptop was also PINK, both outside and inside, and no prizes for guessing why that appeals so much to me =P

So today, after the indoor stadium service, I finally got my precious V (: It came with a matching colour-coordinated carry case and mouse, and the salesgirl also threw in other freebies like Office student edition, and a free 3GB RAM upgrade. Everything I wanted in a laptop... it's like a dream come true. God is so faithful, down to the smallest detail... and amidst whatever that may be happening in the world economy, His supply house in Heaven never runs out!

2008-09-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

Operation Laptop: my bro and I dressing up as terrorists!

Just a random break from our routine of staying in our rooms to do schoolwork for the sake of comic relief. My bro planned a surprise attack operation on my dad to get his laptop back from him. Due to some disputes over grades, my dad kept my bro's laptop in his room, placing it next to him under the table for safeguarding. We adopted the all-out strategy of making a loud entrance, and I was supposed to cover for my bro, in case my dad pulls some Aikido moves on him, while he went to snatch the laptop bag away.

Brandishing our guns and yelling war cries at the top of our lungs, we burst into my parents' room where my dad was engrossed in his work. To our surprise we didn't have to put up with any resistance at all cos my dad just stared at us in shock as we went in for our grab. Haha!

Operation successful! =P